Seventeen years old Oma dressed up to go out
“Where are you going to Oma?” Mummy asked.
“I’m going for my computer training class mummy”. She replied.
“Oh! okay. Good. Come back on time”. She instructed and left.
Oma left quickly and went to Iyke’s house for the party. Oma lied. There was no computer training class that day
Six years later. Oma is now twenty three years old. And its about going out.
“Mummy I’m going for my friends bridal shower, so I can’t come back tonight”. She said.
“Hmmm…why can’t it be in the evening?” Mummy asked.
“Because its a bridal shower, it always ends late. Do you want me to enter the road my 12midnight?”. She asked obviously irritated.
“No. Its alright”.
“Oma leaves and meets her girlfriend at he club that night.
Till date Oma still hides things from her parents. To her, there’s no use telling them because for them its evil, even when she was not doing anything wrong.
I can’t recall the zillion times I’ve hidden things from my parents, even now as I’m writing this.
Yet I was watching “13 reasons why” show again, and I wondered why we hide things from our parents. I keep thinking if some mishap would be averted if we learn to tell our parents important stuffs that happen in our lives.
And yet I wonder if telling them may also be a bad idea.
So I decided to throw this question to some of my readers to help me and you understand better why children hide things from their parents.
These answers are quite personal and come from their personal experience as an African Nigerian child, And I know it would help you too.
(Some identities were hidden as instructed)
I hid things from my parents because of three things;
Albert Nduh
I didn’t want them to lose the trust they had in me.
I didn’t want them to talk to me in a way i might not like.
Because we were not close enough for them to know those things.
Things i hid from my parents as a child/teenager/young adult. It was a different perspective for me because I was the only girl amongst a lot of boys. Teenagers growing up faces a lot of things; attention, getting to know your body, opposite sex. So I hid everything opposite sex from my parents. My parents did not do the needful in terms of teaching me sex education. Because my mom wasn’t available to teach me the right thing. Those were the reasons i hid things from my parents. I’m glad i didn’t make mistakes though, because I learned the needful over time.
Anonymous
Well, our parent are both our guardian and friend depending on how your parent makes you feel, my parent were quite subtle and rigid, so I could tell them some things. But also, I’m a very reserved person and I don’t like people all up in my business, so I don’t tell my parent everything, and I believe in learning with your own experience rather than your parents, in Africa, the parent and child relationship is more or fear and respect rather than love and respect, so kids are always scared of what their parent are going to do. It’s good to however be a guardian and a friend so you can correct your kids when the need arise and also let them confined in you as a parent because, a parent will teach from the point of love and experience which the child needs.
Banji
Actually I didn’t hide things from my mum and I feel it’s because I was comfortable with her (she raised me in such a way that I saw her as my friend,best friend even) so I started telling her everything from a very young age.
Sandra
Now that I’m matured and she’s taught me well, I don’t really need to tell her everything again. I feel I can make my own decisions now.
Well….I like many other children hide things from our parents for many reasons ranging behavioural, psychological , environmental and what I would term ‘in-house’ factors.
Aida
For me personally, I hide things from my parents because I don’t want them to react in a certain way, and I start regretting why I even told them in the first place. I don’t want then to feel bad. Because they don’t understand and start shouting at you. So sometimes I just let things be. I close my mouth and allow peace reign.
Personally I felt I wasn’t close enough to my Parents to share my personal stuffs with them, like I didn’t feel secure to tell them everything. Also I was concerned about how my parents were going to react.
Moses Ameachi
From our readers responds and various experiences, you can see some of the reasons why kids hide things from their parents.
Here are some advice on how to foster better connection between parents and children.
- Basically, we need to re-orientate the Africa parent mentality, I believe in discipline a child, but I also believe in having a strong love relationship with your child.
- To parents, try to not always be a decision maker for your kids. Allow them make their own decisions and let them get to understand that you’re a friend to them, not just their mother or father.
- Get to tell them about your adolescent age and some of your errors then; in return it makes them open up to you too about theirs.
- It shouldn’t be always about shouting and scolding, a little hanging out and gisting about what happened can change your ward’s life.
- Teenagers should be responsible for their actions, that can make their parents believe and trust them
I hope this has motivated you to be and do better as a child and parent.
Any questions or input? Drop them in the comment.
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