Chika Jonah Writes

Tag: relationships

  • Welcome to the Fantasy vs Reality of Love

    Last night I was listening to ‘one of us’ by ABBA my long time favorites (when ever I play the album all I think about is my dad) but last night all I could think of was a time long before now. My teenage hood. I remembered playing this song then and dreaming of Love and couldn’t stop myself from laughing loudly at this thought

    Don’t worry I’ll tell you why…(laughs)

    I remember laying on my bunk bed holding my Express music phone(smart phones were nonexistent at that time), then I hit the play button and reduced the volume. Wanting it to sound calm and smooth. Wanting it to resonate through my ears and emotions. I remembered closing my eyes to the rhythm , feeling every bit of emotion and dreaming along. Wondering how love was even more sweeter than they sang. Wondering if there was something special about them that they could feel this big thing called LOVE . Amazed at how lucky they were to be loved so deeply. Wishing mine would be so spectacular. Wishing mine would be like the heavens they sing it to be. Fantasizing how holding his hands would send electric shocks to my heart like the song said. Imagining how sweet my first kiss would be. Playing the scenes of how our swim together would be heavenly. Dreaming of how his baritone voice would take all my pain away. Praying I could experience what they sang about. Eager to fall in love and drown in its bliss.

    Then….

    Finally, I fell in love after growing up… I was in Love!! Yay!! But….

    Nothing… Nothing…

    I didn’t experience the butterflies in my stomach like I dreamt of. No electric shocks even after I held the hand for straight two hours – hahaha. My feet did not fail me even after I looked into his eyes. The first kiss was as weird and annoying as I never thought it would be. Ah!

    And then I fell out of love and fell in love again with another person. I mean wasn’t love supposed to be forever with the best person. So what happened?

    I can’t even remember how many times I’ve fallen in love, yet why is mine different from the one they sing about and the one they show us in the movies?

    Maybe its like the loud saying “Love na Scam” 😂(in Nigerian voice)

    Back to now

    After realizing how naive I and other girls my age was back then. I couldn’t stop laughing at our stupidity and ignorance. Now we have all grown wiser and bigger and we know that yes love is not a scam but only love is.

    Now we know that love makes us come to you but it takes more than love to make us stay with you. Love is tough. Love is supposed to be more than just emotions. Now we know that God is bigger and he is love. He is the biggest expression of love. Our love for him makes us love deeply and passionately.

    Love with commitment
    Love with bravely
    Love with purpose
    Love with God……because
    God is Love.

    Just love is never enough.

    What misconceptions about love and relationships did you have growing up? And have you found love? I’d love to here all your responses in the comment section below.

    P/S – never thought I’ll be able to share this silly part of my story with anyone but here I am, doing just that. I need a hug…

  • Birthday gifts aren’t enough

    All i ever wanted was for her to affirm those words to my ears.
    Those emotions of love i showered upon her to never be ending.
    For her to see the good that i am and i do.
    To feel that she’s my world and that i want everything for her.
    To never let my shoulder weaken in the face of the world. For her to see that our relationship is a gift and not the birthday gift she gives me every year. Not out of feeling but out of obligation.

    But all i ever got was she affirming those words to the ears of others.
    Giving those emotions to those who could give her something in return.
    Never ending complains of my failures and my victory was showered on me.
    My good was replaced with greed.
    My feelings were trampled upon and my ego bruised.
    I wanted her love and respect but i got her threats.

    Then she came running back when she needed the care.
    In the long run, no one had ever given her the attention she got from me.
    When she missed the sweet melodies of companionship, she relaxed.
    When she needed the love and encouragement she focused on me.
    When she needed the advice, i was the only one available.

    Why me now? I asked. Tired of the back and forth.

    I’m i so ugly? say it!
    Do you hate my family? speak up!
    What is the problem? Am i the problem?…

    You never talk. You pretend like everything is alright.
    And all you do is dismiss me and belittle me
    I am human and I’m not God. I cant be everything you want me to be. I can only be me and me is enough to love you.

    You give all your time to others because they’ve built an empire for themselves.
    Because they can easily take you to la la land with the swipe of their fingers.
    Because they tell you anything just to make you feel special.
    Whereas the real man is the one standing right before you who’s not afraid to tell you the truth even when it hurts.

    I’m not a weak man. I’m a lover.
    A man in love with his woman.

    A man who doesn’t just want the universe but a man who wants the universe with a special someone in it to share it with him.
    A man who wants to work hard for his wealth and power.

    If that is not enough then leave.

    Leave!

    I want a woman who is deserving of me.

    Not a woman who chooses to love me when its convenient for her.

  • Red roses aren’t enough

    A frown was on her face when he walked in. That made him realize something was wrong and that something was not going to go well for him. His only hope is that she forgives him like she always does

    “You did that shit again didn’t you? Answer me!”. She demanded

    “It’s not the way you think baby”, he pleaded.

    “Don’t you dare lie to me. You keep making me feel like I’m nothing. I cant even trust a word you say. Everyday its the same shit”. She shouted at him.

    “Please…please… baby you know i love you. You can see it in my eyes. I need you. I need you in my future. I’m…so…sorry”. He begged as his voice softened.

    “I don’t want to have a future with someone who thinks he is free to do whatever he pleases regardless of my feelings”, she was so exhausted “i feel like a fool for always taking you back in, for thinking that you’d be better for this relationship”, she said in disgust, “when the truth is, its going to be the same thing always and am just so tired. Its enough.

    Why do we fall for their pretence all over again ?
    Why do we give in to their mock change?
    Why do we believe their truth for lies and their lies for truth?

    Their sweet words triggers our emotions
    The red roses changes the frown to a smile
    The cuddle makes us lean closer than we should
    Their tears melts our resolve

    The emotions which was gifted to the woman to be her greatest asset of sensitivity has become her weakness.

    The strength which was given to the woman to build her empire and rise above those against her, has now been trampled on.

    The wisdom which was a gift to discern the true path in life and decisions has now been clouded by selfish desires and others judgment.

    Those core values and principles that set you apart from the world have now been mocked and reduced to mere normality.

    I don’t think it is too late to take a stand for what you truly deserve. Its never too late to let go of the vulnerability and hold on to your strength. Start unlocking the doors hiding what is right for you.

    There is no use staying if you cant accept everything that comes with him. The good, bad and evil, even when the bad surpasses all.

    If moving on requires a fresh start then start it without any toxic person or environment. Do what you’ve got to do.

    Dance with the wind and be free.

    Here’s to new fruitful beginnings. Amen!