Chika Jonah Writes

Tag: Inspiration

  • For Uncle Paul, its all good.

    Last night I heard series of bad news. It felt like it was planned. I was so hurt and angry that I didn’t know what to do. I kept pacing back and forth for what felt like hours. I didn’t feel better. I screamed music, then I stopped. Almost every song on my playlist was either a worship song, slow song or rap. But I Wanted disco, or hip hop or something that wouldn’t be painfully slow and annoying. But that didn’t help at all. Then the TV started playing this Hindi song ( you know how their song can be so emotional and slow) and I almost broke the TV.

    My friend asked if she could talk to me but I refused because in the heat of the moment I may just transfer all the aggression on her and still feel worse than before. Praying did not come to my mind. Taking a walk was an option but I dreaded it because my feet felt numb. Thought of reading the bible but I didn’t know where to read.

    After all my failed attempt to make myself feel better and to be positive about the whole issue, I simply sat down.

    And I asked my self what people do to make themselves feel better after hearing a sad, disappointing or heart wrenching news?

    My mind began moving in 360° and that was when the headache started. I slept with that headache and woke up worse; woke up with dizzy eyes, bad headache and a fowl mood.

    I began studying the scripture this morning and that was when the answer came. After reading

    2 Corinthians 6:8-10 By honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true;
    As unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and, behold, we live; as chastened, and not killed;
    As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.

    A question popped into my head;

    What would Paul do? If Paul was in the same situation What would he do ?

    And I thought “Uncle Paul would probably walk into his room and study Gods word. When he’s done he would pray, go out and speak to the churches encouraging them and admonishing them and afterwards he’ll come back and eat his meal together with his fellow brethren and after eating he’ll then seek the counsel of the elders and find a solution to the problem”.

    Oh God!! I burst out laughing after playing out the scene in my head and answering the question.

    Here I was worrying and beating my self up while uncle Paul would move on like nothing happened because of his trust in God.

    Now I’m sitting down writing this, wanting to be that strong, to be so unbroken and so unshaken by worldly news and situations. To be so strong and rooted in God that nothing else would bring me down.

    I hope you want that too for yourself.

    This post was unplanned but I’m so happy that I’m blessed with this platform where I can express my vulnerability and still find solace because of all the amazing readers always reading and always relating to our story. I love you all. And Gods got us.

    Tell me how this week started for you and I still need those tips on how you help yourself get better after hearing a bad news in the comment section below.

  • Therapy~Mentoring or none

    Hey guys its the weekend and this week have been an amazing week for me because I’m fully recovered and I’ve been learning something new and i cant keep quiet about it. I want to scream at the universe. I feel like sharing my lessons with everyone i come in contact with. I want to tell them “Hey, I’m learning this. How cool is that?” Or “Hey, look at this. It’s a little snippet of what I’m learning”. I want to share my good news with everyone and anyone because sometimes i can’t hold all the excitement but when it comes to my sad news or a terrible event, i want to keep it all to myself.

    Why do we like talking about our good, joys and success, and keep quiet about the bad, pain and sorrows. We spread our achievements like wildfire and keep the loss closed up in an air tight box.

    Few days ago i stood with some really cool guys and we kept talking into the night. We spoke of important stuffs from business to sports to relationships to personality issues, we were on that when i made a comment.

    “I still think reading just books is not going to help at all. He is only focusing on the intellectual and how much knowledge he wants to acquire. But what of his social life? I said

    “Yes. Chika i agree. People like that know every word on paper but lack a proper social standing. They are like a moving machine”. My friend replied fiercely.

    “Yeah. That’s why i always say therapy is good. He should seek help”. I added.

    They all looked at me and laughed out loud as if i had said something absurd.

    “Therapy?” They asked starring at me.

    “Yes therapy. Do you know how many people carry a lot of baggage they can’t get rid of? Some people are like a walking snail on the move. And they forget that talking to someone helps”. I explained.

    “I get it Chika. But do you know how expensive therapy is in Nigeria?”, he shook his head. “And nobody wants to share their problems with anybody or talk to anyone about anything because that person might just use that information against you”. He added regretfully.

    “I understand you but…”

    This is where i come in guys.
    According to my friends, only few people really value therapy here in Nigeria. Which shouldn’t be the case.

    Therapy

    Therapy is there to help you cross those bridges you cant really do on your own. Therapy is really about inner healing, relieving you of some unbearable pain and situations, focusing on the things that are holding you back and helping you find the silver lining. Therapy is talking to someone who would listen non judgementally and help you find the closure you so desperately need.

    Contrary to my friends concerns about not wanting to share their problems for fear of betrayal; not speaking out is much worse and poses a bigger problem than any amount of betrayal. Betrayal would hurt at that moment but the fact is healing would come. But staying mute about problems that are slowing eating you up may eventually lead to depression, frustration and self destruction thereby putting your life and future in jeopardy.

    So choose wisely.

    When i think of my loss and grief, i tell myself i wished i had talked to someone about what i was feeling. I wished i sought out a listening ear then maybe i wouldn’t have become so hard, so blunt, so unrelenting so careless and so hopeless. Maybe my healing would have come sooner than later.

    I agree that therapy is expensive in Nigeria but a good price is enough sacrifice for the help you need. And even if you still cant afford it just talk to someone. Someone less personally related and more professionally related. Just speak up.
    I for one haven’t had a single therapy session in my life but i know how important it is and the necessity of not being silent when one obviously need help, so i talk to my mentor.

    Mentoring

    One of the most important professional partnership one can have is that of a mentor/mentee. A mentor is a teacher or a special advisor. In the past mentoring has always been very professional in the context of your career but its not so professional these days. These days a mentor can help you with all areas of your life, not just your career. Mentors can coach, support, advice, hold your hand, listen and offer assistance when needed. I have a mentor who i call my “Therapy Mentor”.

    Favour my therapy mentor has been everything from a therapist to a mentor. She gives me spiritual, emotional and professional counsel. She helps me create a balance between work and family. She is open to my fears, doubts and confusions. When I’m at a crossroad she is the only person who would listen to me without judgment and find a door for me to walk through. She doesn’t interfere in my life and neither do i. We’ve built a solid relationship of trust, love and respect that now, we focus more on my professional growth and focus on personal growth when need be. Having her in my life has been the utmost blessing.

    Everything Favour is and does is truly what a mentor should be and should do.
    Seeking help when needed would produce healthy citizens and in turn produce a healthy nation.

    You know what your goals are and you know how deep you’ve drowned in that situation, so it is up to you to determine which type of mentor or therapist will help you the most at your current stage.

    My greatest wish is that people will be more comfortable asking for help when they need it – because it takes great courage and vulnerability to realize and admit that you cant get where you want to go to in your life or career on your own.

    NB – Talk to a therapist or a mentor and if you cant talk to any of this two then talk to God. God is still the greatest Therapist and Mentor.

    I’m glad you read through this post. Please share your thoughts with me on the comment session. You can send me a mail if you want to maintain privacy.