Chika Jonah Writes

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  • Does time heal every wound? (How to use time to heal in 10 ways)

    Does time heal every wound? A question I asked myself after i watched something few weeks back when an elderly man tapped a younger man on the shoulder and said “time heals all wounds lad.” And I burst out laughing. Really? Who was he kidding?

    I guess he was just trying to encourage the young guy or make him feel better about the situation. Maybe it worked but I’m sure later he would realize the bitter truth.

    I bought a gorgeous heel three years ago and it was sparkling and clean and everything that makes a shoe new. Now I’m staring at it in the wardrobe and its no longer shinning, no longer new. Infact, it has a sratch on the tip, and a dark line on the sole.

    A lot has changed yet, it’s still the same nude shoe I bought three years ago. Even more comfortable now than when it was new because my feet has gotten used to it. Its familiar & comfortable just like a relationship between a married couple.

    Does time heal every wound? No! Time does not heal every wound and any wound. Time is an illusion. You wake up the next day thinking you’ve got all the time and then blink again only to realize that five years has passed. That’s the thing about time.

    If time heal every wound, I bet our nation would not be as stale as it is with all our hero’s fight for change.

    It doesn’t stop for you to be prepared. It doesn’t wait for you to get ready. It doesn’t listen to your screams and wails. It doesn’t listen to your wish. It just goes on and on and on. It doesn’t stop. It doesn’t get stuck in traffic like you. It doesn’t wait at the bus station like you. It doesn’t wait for a donor or a blood bank. It just keeps going.

    So how does time heal every wound for you when it doesn’t stop to realize that oh! Something terrible just happened to you?

    More than a year after my loss and tragedy I was still the same miserable person, even worse than before. What happened to time healing every wound as days and months passed by? I was still sore, numb and badly betrayed. I realized it was a lie when people said time heal every wound. Instead I found out what time really does.

    What does time do?

    Time brings chances

    Time can present chances that can come with new events and happenings. A chance to do something different. An opportunity. A calling. A new goal. It would not remove the pain nor dry your tears but it can maybe open a door to step into ie if you give yourself the chance to.

    Time brings Perspective

    Time can give you a new perspective to things. Maybe a depth to that problem you’re facing. A new look to why you’re in this situation in the first place. This perspective may bring you more pain or a relief because it is revealing. You may hear a story or an event can happen that begins to make you see things in another angle. That can be good or bad. Either way, that is the perspective that comes with time.

    Time brings another dimension

    Time can create another line of focus. Like a bolt of lightening it can bring another dimension to your story or to the things that went down and how it did. And that can make you shift your focus to that dimension. Things can crop up, like a rumor, an estranged family, a loving stranger that changes the course of everything, takes your focus and leaves your pain buried and unprocessed or leaves it better and light.

    Understanding what time can do can make you understand whether to put your growth and healing to time. And with what has been shared you’d realize that’s a shitty thing to do. Time is on its own journey ticking the clock. The question is, what are you doing with time?

    How to make time heal every wound for you.

    The statement “time heal every wound” is false. Enough time can pass and you’ll still be in the same shit hole.
    What matters is how you use that time. Time is just a moving concept and the best way to use time is to experience it.

    1. Focus on you

    You are the game changer. You are the owner of your life. Letting time go may make you feel better but it would not heal anything. Something can happen and trigger that pain all over again. Focus on how important you are. Remember how only you can make you better if you choose to.

    1. Stop asking why

    The minute you start asking why it happened to you, why you had to go through this, why you’re so unlucky then you’re going to keep asking and keep getting frustrated because no one can really answer that question. No one knows why and there’s really no need to wonder why. Instead, focus on how to heal, how to be better, how to keep going.

    1. Avoid playing the victim

    You are not the worse. You’re not the most unfortunate. You are not terrible. You are not dumb nor stupid. You are just going through a difficult phase that would pass. Don’t act in a way that validates peoples pity for you. Don’t play the victim game. You can rise and you will.

    1. Don’t personalize it.

    Not everything is about you. If you’re always like, why does this thing always happen to me? Then you’re personalizing it. Its wrong. It can happen to others as well. Infact, everyone goes through shit too, even worse than yours so Its not just about you. You are not targeted. Its not personal.

    1. Process not Run

    You are doing yourself harm if you buckle yourself up and act like nothing happened. You waking up the next day with a smile on your face going on your business like nothing happened while your heart is about to explode is dangerous. Cry, scream, shout, talk, hit anything to let it all out. Healing starts with processing. Processing each pain, feeling, thought, emotions and letting go. Not running, hiding, caging or hoarding. Pain not processed kills you slowly

    1. Embrace the past

    Leave all those ones that says forget your past. See ba, nothing truly stays in the past. We are fragments of our past. Our future lies the story of our past. Your present today is your past tomorrow. So instead of running from a past that may come hunting you. Why not embrace it. Embracing it means accepting what went down, taking responsibility, taking charge of what you can change, accepting what you can’t change and allowing whatever events that happened in the past not define you. Can you do that? If you can do that then you’ve won life’s biggest battle.

    1. Be aware of triggers

    For me when their death anniversary comes, I realize I always let it consume me so what I did was to remember them before that day (even though I remember them everyday) and then when the anniversary comes it goes by like a normal day and I don’t get triggered. Find out the things that trigger your pain all over again and find ways to not let it affect you deeply. Awareness makes you have a power over the situation.

    1. Do not push people away.

    This is hard but its important. I get that you want to process things and fight your own battle. But a friendly, honest, loving, caring and supportive hand to hold isn’t that bad. Don’t run from people that genuinely want to be there for you. Its okay if you don’t want their help or advice but their support can go a long way. I promise.

    1. Be grateful

    Its hard to be grateful when going through an ordeal but one of the things that helped me heal was gratitude. When I read Robert Schuller’s book “Tough times never last but tough people do.” that said “Instead of comparing yourself with those more fortunate than you, why not compare yourself with those less fortunate than you.” Only then would you be grateful for where you are. That line hit so deep. (Get a free copy of the book here) Gratitude opens your eyes to see the beauty beyond your pain.

    1. Experience life.

    Choosing yourself and your ability to try to heal would give you a chance to live again. Like we said earlier, time bring chances and that chance is another experience. Don’t hold yourslef back from experiencing life again after pain. You can still live life to the fullest if you choose to. Decide now to fly, to dream, to dance and to embrace.

    Time does not heal every wound, its how you use the time you have that matters.

    Chika Jonah

    Make conscious use of your time.

    What are your thoughts after reading this? Do you still think that time heal every wound? Were you inspired? Were you motivated? Want to talk? Leave me a feedback in the comment.

  • 3 April Fools Day Stories that will Shock You

    Its April! Yayyy!!! Welcome to the month of April, a month blessed with juicy April fools day stories because it’s April fools day. Yippee!!!

    April fools day stories

    Okay please don’t fool me today I beg you.

    Waking up this morning made me happy because today is my friends birthday (Happy birthday Aida) and couldn’t help but remember that today is also April fools day which comes with lots of April fools day stories.

    I don’t know who invented this April fools day but I’m eternally grateful to that person for setting out a day where we get to fool or prank people to our hearts content and enjoy their reaction hahahaha

    Thinking of April fools day made me remember how someone fooled me and the entire class in Secondary school.

    I think it was in SS2 or SS3 during night prep. We were standing and gisting at the corridor when we were supposed to be reading inside the classroom when immediately someone shouted “Principal is coming.”

    The person shouting was also running like his life depended on it.

    My God! The entire corridor was in chaos. Everyone was running. I think I practically flew because I was not about to receive another flogging that night. How I reached my sit still baffles me. In twenty seconds the entire corridor was empty, my class was as silent as a grave yard. The only thing you could hear was our panting and heavy breathing.

    Everyone immediately brought out their books and pretended to be reading. We were so focused that we visualized the Principal starring at us with his serious glasses and fat cane. Only for us to hear a loud scream, “April fools day!”

    No one still believed.

    “April fools day!” He shouted again laughing out loud.

    That was when we knew we were fooled. hahaha I was shocked. I mean who wouldn’t be? I and the others felt like killing him. It was a good prank but it was painful.

    The fear, sweat and shock was such a painful experience. At the end of the day we all had a good laugh and I never forgot that day.

                                ***

    Did you enjoy that story? Reminiscing on this story made me laugh a lot and I wondered how may April fools day stories are out there. So i asked a few of my friends to share their April fools day stories with us for the purpose of spreading laughter and good memories.

    Here are 3 April fools day stories that would shock you

    I told a friend once that I was very sick and I was hospitalized. That was on a 31th of March.
    Then on 1st April, I switched off my phone because of a low battery forgetting my prank. My friend had to call my mom asking her “How is your son?” My mom was like “He is fine.” She said he told me that he was seriously sick and hospitalized. My mom was shocked, “How can my only son be hospitalized?” That was exactly how April fool’s day went bad.
    ~
    Prince.

    I was fooled by someone a long time ago. Someone sent me a long message, I opened it to read and the content was painful. She said I told lies and sprayed ugly rumors about her in school to everyone. My heart was beating fast trying to recall what I ever did and trying to figure out who would accuse me of such bad deed. I was heart broken to hear such lies and very upset that I was ready to call her, until I read the final line of the text message which said “yo! You fell for it. Happy new month.”
    Mehnnnn…. It was a big relief. But since that day I found it difficult to ever believe anything anyone said to me on 1st April (April fools day) no matter how serious that thing is. hahaha
    ~
    Ann

    My Dad always warned me to stop pranking people because everyone knew i pranked people a lot. So on April fools day, five years ago, We were eating at the dinning while I was intentionally looking for how to prank them. While we were eating, they asked me to get cold water from the freezer. That was when I had an idea. As I was bringing out the water, I then pretended to touch the naked iron and began vibrating and shaking like someone that had been shocked by electricity. Everyone froze in shock. My dad raised his hand to his chest and became still. I was still shaking when I looked at my dad and immediately became scared for him. I stopped shaking and confessed to everyone that I was joking. Hey! My Elder sister walked up and slapped me across the face and warned me never to do such again. They rushed and got my Dad’s medication to calm him down. Damn! I felt cold that day. Afterwards, I promised never to fool anyone again. I learned my lesson. smiles
    ~
    BM

    I’m as shocked as you are by these April fools day stories. I mean, the jokes were out of this world, the pranks were intense and the effect was massive. But well, can you blame us? Thats what April fool is about. I’m sure you’ve engaged in one or two pranks before.

    Feel free to steal some of these April fools day stories ideas to prank those around you but note that we would not be held responsible by the laughter, shock and heart ache your prank may cause. winks

    From ChiQs Blog, I wish you a Happy new month filled with lots of laughter, good tidings and breakthrough. Cheers!

    Share your last and present April fools day stories in the comment. Your thoughts and opinions on this post would be welcomed as well.

    I’m just a mail away if you need to talk.

    For more fun stories click here

  • Where Do You Want To Be In 5 years? (Reflection on effective goal setting)

    Someone asked me this question few days ago; Chika, where do you want to be in 5 years?

    I’m sure the person is probably going to hate me from that day because my answer was not nice at all. hahaha

    I answered that, “I did not understand last year, I’m still trying to understand & navigate this year. Am I Jesus Christ that I would know where I’d want to be in five years from now? I don’t like nonsense joor.” laughs

    I made a joke out of it because I was pissed by the question in the first place. I just didn’t want to sound rude or ignore the person asking so I made light of it.

    So let me ask you the same question; Where do you want to be in 5 years?

    Relax

    Breathe

    Take a chill pill

    Don’t be in a haste to answer the question

    This is not a question you can just answer with anything that comes to your head.
    Like; I just want more money, I want to be rich 5 years from now, I want to have my own house 5 years from now, I want to travel to Dubai etc.

    Often times this is a question that would take a lot of deep thinking. A question that should be reflected upon for better goal setting.

    No one truly knows where they want to be next week because the future is uncertain. They only know the things that they can control. In setting those goals, the question you should ask yourself is; have you made room for the things you cannot control?

    This is the problem I have with this “where do you want to be in 5 years” question.

    It is not realistic and it is often not achievable.

    How can your answer to the “where do you want to be in 5 years” question be more realistic?

    By following these goal setting steps;

    Step 1

    Picture the Big Dream.

    Now let’s use my big goal as a case study. I have this inner intense dream of working with Caprisonne Nigeria one day in the future. Maybe as a brand strategist or creative writer or anything. I love caprisonne, in fact I can’t do without it and I believe in that piece of sweet product so much. (I’m sure all of you know this by now) So working with them would be a dream come true.

    I also want this blog to birth hundreds of undiluted unfinished stories of people from different part of the world. Whilst training young people on creative writing and storytelling. As well as publishing a fiction novel and several self help books & inspirational books.

    That’s the picture of some of the dreams and goals I have. It’s important you picture the dream as many as they are and don’t loose that picture.

    Step 2

    Don’t time frame the big dream.

    The problem with the “where do you want to be in 5 years” question isn’t that the question is wrong. Its just that a lot of things can go wrong after asking this question.

    The first wrong thing is that this question disregards the beauty of time in the fulfillment of your dreams.

    Why 5 years? Why put a time to it? The question should be “Where do you want to be in the future?” Not in 5 years. Five years can come and nothing would happen. Yet, fifteen years can pass by and everything you ever dreamt of starts manifesting.

    Its just like setting a deadline to your goals. And that leaves no room for the supernatural. No room for the miracles heaven has proposed to happen. No room for the events beyond your control.

    Instead of beating yourself towards achieving that 5 year goal that may not happen due to reasons beyond your power. Why not give yourself the freedom to enjoy the process as you work towards that goal. And embrace it when you get that breakthrough whether it happens now, seven years from now or ten years from now.

    Step 3

    Set smaller achievable goals and fix a deadline if you must.

    When you have a picture of the big dream, and you’ve understood that setting a time frame limits the ability for your dreams to bloom fully, and leaves you in a terrible state when it doesn’t happen during that time frame, then the next step is to set smaller achievable goals that you can pilot on your own terms.

    Let’s use our case study again.

    Like I said earlier one of my big dreams is to work with caprisonne and there is no need putting a time span to its fulfillment because now I understand that, I’m not the owner of caprisonne, neither am I the controller. So its beyond my power to secure a huge spot with them just because I wish to.

    But here is something I can do; by setting smaller achievable goals I can position myself properly to earn their recognition. I can also build my influence around the heartwarming bond I have with caprisonne. And even if I don’t end up working with them I’d still win because I’ve built a strong community and influence around what I love.

    Do you now see why setting smaller achievable goals are important?

    After setting those small goals, fixing a deadline around it becomes more realistic and more achievable.

    I can easily say I’d want to be a published author in the next 5 years. Now thats more realistic! Because its totally in my power to achieve that. All I have to do is start the book and be consistent at it.

    You can easily say I want to acquire two landed properties at Golf estate Portharcourt in the next 5 years rather than saying I want to own the entire golf estate in the next five years.

    Before screaming aloud where you’d want to be in 5 years, make sure you understand the principles of goal setting, reflect on what you truly want, to avoid welcoming unnecessary pressures and tension. And prepare adequately. The place of preparation can never be overemphasized.

    I’d rather you answer “where you’d want to be in the future” question than where do you want to be in 5 years.

    I hope you get the message.

    Your turn; where would you want to be in the near future? I’ve told you mine already drop your answer in the comment. You never can tell, someone may be watching closely.