Chika Jonah Writes

Category: Uncategorized

  • Therapy~Mentoring or none

    Hey guys its the weekend and this week have been an amazing week for me because I’m fully recovered and I’ve been learning something new and i cant keep quiet about it. I want to scream at the universe. I feel like sharing my lessons with everyone i come in contact with. I want to tell them “Hey, I’m learning this. How cool is that?” Or “Hey, look at this. It’s a little snippet of what I’m learning”. I want to share my good news with everyone and anyone because sometimes i can’t hold all the excitement but when it comes to my sad news or a terrible event, i want to keep it all to myself.

    Why do we like talking about our good, joys and success, and keep quiet about the bad, pain and sorrows. We spread our achievements like wildfire and keep the loss closed up in an air tight box.

    Few days ago i stood with some really cool guys and we kept talking into the night. We spoke of important stuffs from business to sports to relationships to personality issues, we were on that when i made a comment.

    “I still think reading just books is not going to help at all. He is only focusing on the intellectual and how much knowledge he wants to acquire. But what of his social life? I said

    “Yes. Chika i agree. People like that know every word on paper but lack a proper social standing. They are like a moving machine”. My friend replied fiercely.

    “Yeah. That’s why i always say therapy is good. He should seek help”. I added.

    They all looked at me and laughed out loud as if i had said something absurd.

    “Therapy?” They asked starring at me.

    “Yes therapy. Do you know how many people carry a lot of baggage they can’t get rid of? Some people are like a walking snail on the move. And they forget that talking to someone helps”. I explained.

    “I get it Chika. But do you know how expensive therapy is in Nigeria?”, he shook his head. “And nobody wants to share their problems with anybody or talk to anyone about anything because that person might just use that information against you”. He added regretfully.

    “I understand you but…”

    This is where i come in guys.
    According to my friends, only few people really value therapy here in Nigeria. Which shouldn’t be the case.

    Therapy

    Therapy is there to help you cross those bridges you cant really do on your own. Therapy is really about inner healing, relieving you of some unbearable pain and situations, focusing on the things that are holding you back and helping you find the silver lining. Therapy is talking to someone who would listen non judgementally and help you find the closure you so desperately need.

    Contrary to my friends concerns about not wanting to share their problems for fear of betrayal; not speaking out is much worse and poses a bigger problem than any amount of betrayal. Betrayal would hurt at that moment but the fact is healing would come. But staying mute about problems that are slowing eating you up may eventually lead to depression, frustration and self destruction thereby putting your life and future in jeopardy.

    So choose wisely.

    When i think of my loss and grief, i tell myself i wished i had talked to someone about what i was feeling. I wished i sought out a listening ear then maybe i wouldn’t have become so hard, so blunt, so unrelenting so careless and so hopeless. Maybe my healing would have come sooner than later.

    I agree that therapy is expensive in Nigeria but a good price is enough sacrifice for the help you need. And even if you still cant afford it just talk to someone. Someone less personally related and more professionally related. Just speak up.
    I for one haven’t had a single therapy session in my life but i know how important it is and the necessity of not being silent when one obviously need help, so i talk to my mentor.

    Mentoring

    One of the most important professional partnership one can have is that of a mentor/mentee. A mentor is a teacher or a special advisor. In the past mentoring has always been very professional in the context of your career but its not so professional these days. These days a mentor can help you with all areas of your life, not just your career. Mentors can coach, support, advice, hold your hand, listen and offer assistance when needed. I have a mentor who i call my “Therapy Mentor”.

    Favour my therapy mentor has been everything from a therapist to a mentor. She gives me spiritual, emotional and professional counsel. She helps me create a balance between work and family. She is open to my fears, doubts and confusions. When I’m at a crossroad she is the only person who would listen to me without judgment and find a door for me to walk through. She doesn’t interfere in my life and neither do i. We’ve built a solid relationship of trust, love and respect that now, we focus more on my professional growth and focus on personal growth when need be. Having her in my life has been the utmost blessing.

    Everything Favour is and does is truly what a mentor should be and should do.
    Seeking help when needed would produce healthy citizens and in turn produce a healthy nation.

    You know what your goals are and you know how deep you’ve drowned in that situation, so it is up to you to determine which type of mentor or therapist will help you the most at your current stage.

    My greatest wish is that people will be more comfortable asking for help when they need it – because it takes great courage and vulnerability to realize and admit that you cant get where you want to go to in your life or career on your own.

    NB – Talk to a therapist or a mentor and if you cant talk to any of this two then talk to God. God is still the greatest Therapist and Mentor.

    I’m glad you read through this post. Please share your thoughts with me on the comment session. You can send me a mail if you want to maintain privacy.

  • Normal changes that may question our level of faith

    I’m saying a big thank you to everyone who’s ever stopped by to read my posts. You’re awesome.

    The fact that i can actually type this lengthy post is a big blessing to me and a miracle, and my heart is filled with so much gratitude.

    On Thursday i was down. I really don’t know how it happened. I left the house in good spirit, excited to explore what the day would bring my way. I tided up things at work as usual the minute i entered into the office and when i was done i sat down waiting for the next course of action. Then suddenly i felt hot. So hot inside that i thought maybe its because i hadn’t taken any water that day, so i did the needful and drank a lot of water. But it didn’t change anything.

    Okay this may be abnormal but i never catch a cold or even feel cold (laughs). Sorry to all those who always feel cold at the slightest thing, maybe someday i will too. Its that bad that i don’t have a single cardigan or any kind of thick cloths. Due to the fact that I’m not prone to cold, my body is always cold. I mean my female colleague in particular likes resting in my arms just to feel my cold body. But for the first time my body became extremely hot. (Saying it was as hot as a boiling water may not be an understatement). It gave me scare. And that made me realize that my abnormal life was becoming normal.

    From the hotness to headaches that felt like strange people were walking on my head to tiredness to saw throat to burring eyesight and to overall weakness. Both my hands and legs became numb.

    I didn’t need to run a test to know this was a serious case of malaria. I always enjoyed good health by Gods grace but knowing what this was i became frightened of what the solution to this would mean and if I’d be willing to do just that.

    I could take anything but weakness of any sort is something i couldn’t handle. I couldn’t even type a simple message. I couldn’t even contribute in the photography lessons i was taking. I couldn’t even talk properly on the phone. I barely made it home. It was all this that made me decide to do the normal thing that any normal ill person in my position would do. Taking treatment. But it was this same treatment that i was afraid of.

    Firstly i needed to get a test done and seriously treat it. Take the necessary prescriptions at the right time. Which is the cure for my sickness but i kept putting it off for the scared of drugs and for not ever taken drugs since junior high school (JSS3). Yes! The truth was i had never fallen sick since 2006 until now.
    After i got home i finally gathered the courage and tool a pill for the headache. And prayed that that would be all for now. But it wasn’t.

    Secondly mummy advised me to not try bathing cold water. After grumbling and murmuring i finally succumbed because i couldn’t deal with the weakness and pain anymore. I wanted to be myself as soon as possible. I knew doing this would be making a huge change because i had never bathed hot water since i entered boarding school when i was ten years old(weird right?). Making this decision was a big one for me. And as the hot water touched my skin that night. I felt it…i felt that clench in my muscles…i felt that difference…i felt that heat…i felt that relieve. After that i agreed that hot water was not that bad even though i knew i would not do it again because i cant deal with the heat afterwards (laughs).

    So guys I’ve just realized that because you’re like me that have enjoyed a strong health for a long time doesn’t mean you should avoid taking routine medications every now and then. The truth is that we are preys to bacteria and diseases every time we walk out the door. Let’s not wait till we’re down with the flu before we take the necessary treatment to kill every toxic cell in our body. Check yourself every one quarter of the year. Because sometimes this changes are inevitable as we grow older. I knew that God was by my side. And that i suddenly fell ill didn’t mean the divine healing I’ve enjoyed for years would suddenly stop. Some people make the mistake of turning a blind eye to their issues all because they feel they have enough faith to pull them true. But don’t forget. Faith without works is dead. Be practical. Do your best and God would handle the rest.

    I’m not so weak anymore but aside that every other symptom is still present. As much as i still want God’s supernatural healing, I’m not foolish enough to linger on that. So this morning I’m going to walk through that door and after my diagnosis I’m going to take all that the pharmacist prescribes for me; even though I’m still scared as hell.

    So guys i need a lot of motivation from y’all and prayers too.

    * * *

    Let me hear your story about that thing that is normal for everyone but is abnormal for you in the comment section. I’ll be glad.

  • My Unplanned conversation with a stranger

    For weeks now I’ve had withdrawal from blogging, writing contents, posting them and being active on all social media platform. It didn’t just happen all of a sudden, i was mugged. Due to that fact i decided to stay offline for a short period of time. I was dreading not writing, not sharing my experiences with the people around me and not being able to engage in conversations with the new friends I’ve made in the last few months. Even when i tried i just couldn’t. But something changed when i had an out of the blue conversation with a total stranger.

    I hope you wont stay too sad about my disappearance and find the words on this electronic paper worth the wait.

    We were both standing there for almost an hour, yet there was still no sign of a taxi. My friend was frustrated and i was irritated. The traffic was crazy and all taxi refused taking passengers. We were so tired of trying and getting no where that we practically started stopping every car that passed by. Finally one car stopped, and we were so relieved. On a normal day i would have been muttering ‘free ride’ to myself and giggling at the fact that my cab fare would be saved but that didn’t happen because it was not a normal day. We hopped in and thanked the man repeatedly, fortunately he was going our way, which was also an additional blessing.

    We drove off, it was a long way home so instead of making myself awkward by sitting down quietly, i decided to talk to my friend about something important.

    “Chi. I feel so bad for her, sometimes its more painful when you don’t have the power to do anything.” I said sadly about a lady we were familiar with that had been sick for weeks and her relatives turned a blind eye to her.

    “My dear, its not an experience i would wish for anyone. The worst part was the way that woman insulted her publicly knowing she was very ill.” she replied looking worried.

    “Exactly” i nodded in affirmation. “It doesn’t matter if what that woman ranted on was right or wrong, but it was neither the place, time nor manner to say all that. All she did was add more pain to the lady, which was totally uncalled for…the best thing would have been to find out about the status of her health presently and find a way to help her out, not add to her problems” i replied angrily.

    We chatted for a while longer and he listened carefully from the steering while driving when he dropped a question.

    “And her husband?” He asked.

    I turned and looked at him. “Why would you ask that Sir?” I asked surprisingly.

    “I asked because i have a feeling the husband, if there is one, is tangled in this whole mess.” He replied. We stared at him quietly because we knew what he just said was the truth even if it was just a guess.

    “Yes.” I nodded honestly. He smiled subtly and shook his head as if he thought of something important but didn’t know weather to say it or not. “I wish things had been different for her.” I added wistfully.

    “Things would be different for her if she acts on her priorities.” He said sternly

    “How do you mean sir?” I asked curiously with a look that said i wanted to hear what he had to say. He looked like a man who had seen the heads and tails of life. He was obviously a smart and intelligent man. But i wasn’t prepared for what he said next. It was the most practical and real thing i had heard in a long time.

    “You know what pretty young ladies”, we smiled at the complement. “I woke up one morning and called my wife. Every time i look at her i realize that she’s absolutely perfect for me”, We smiled and he continued. “When she sat down, i held her hand, faced her and told her; honey when the time comes that i can no longer give you the happiness you deserve, don’t fuss over it. Find that happiness yourself.”

    Those words hit a nerve. I was smeared. I didn’t know what to say. I just stared at him blankly. He noticed we looked at him strangely and laughed out loud.

    “You should see your faces, you look like confused children.” He said laughing and we laughed as well.

    “But sir, how could you say that to your wife. You are her husband so her happiness lies in yours and you are supposed to make her life full of joy and bliss.” I said curtly.

    “That is where you get it wrong. That I’m her husband doesn’t mean i can give her everything she wants. It only means thirty percent of her happiness lies in me but a whole seventy percent of her happiness lies in her hands. I don’t have the power to make her life filled with the best things and the best events. I’m only there to make life’s journey more easy, more bearable, more smooth and more secure for her. I can only give her what i have. I cant give her everything, but she can make everything as beautiful as she sees.” He said.

    “Wow sir! You’ve blown my mind away. What you’ve just said is what every girl should hear.” I smiled.

    “Yes. I would tell my sister the same thing anytime,” he said smiling. “Sometimes when we are with someone and we give him or her everything, we also want everything in return, but what we fail to understand is that a person cant always give you everything every single time; but they can give you what they have to the best of their capabilities, which is not wrong. What is wrong is being affected severely when we don’t get that in return”, We nodded solemnly. “So tell that lady that she should figure out what she really wants and make them her priorities. That would definitely give her peace and rest of mind, which would end up being the most effective medicine to her illness.” He added finally.”

    Wow! What he said was absolutely correct. Because sometimes we tend to fulfill the desires of those around us at the cost of our peace and happiness, which almost doesn’t sit well with our mind. And when our mind become weak, our body automatically goes weak as well, which was what i realized.

    “You’re right sir”, thinking of how his words had affected my life too; in a different way unknown to him.

    “Sir i must say this has been a wonderful ride. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with us.” I said thankfully.

    “You’re welcome. I don’t know how it happened, i just couldn’t keep quiet. I hope we’ll hear a better story from that lady the next time you hear from her.” He said smiling.

    “I hope so too.”

    My friend dropped off first, i waved her goodbye. I dropped ten minutes later and waved at him frantically while he drove off. We may never meet again in this lifetime but the lesson learned would always be a part of my everyday life.

    After that conversation i started writing again. I offloaded every word in my brain and just couldn’t stop. He made me realize that what i want, what gives me fulfillment and what gives me a sense of purpose should be at the top of the list.

    Tell me what you think by leaving a comment. God bless you