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  • 2 Importance of Self Awareness in Relationships

    The importance of self awareness would be visible in this story I’m about to share with you.

    Ruth was sitting at the living room when Iyke stormed in with a frown on his face. “Fuck you Ruth!” Ruth shook in fear and turned back only to see Iyke walking towards her. “why would you do such a thing?” He asked. “Are you stupid?”.

    “What’s the problem Iyke?” Ruth asked perplexed.

    “You should have told me before talking to Mandy about our plan. Are you a fool or what?” He answered. Her body stiffened and looked like she was about to cry.

    “But its not much of a big deal. Mandy is not a stranger to either of us. For Christ sake, this plan involves her as much as it does us. Its not enough reason for you to react this way. If you don’t like that I told her, then I’m sorry. I apologize.” She said finally and left.

    While she was outside she took a deep breath, she was furious. Furious every time she replayed his choice of words in her head. Every time he used fowl languages on her or cuss words. She didn’t like that he did that. In fact, she abhored it. He was a beautiful man with a charming soul. Except when he talks, he says things in the most absurd way; “I love you brat.” Or “Hey bitch.” Or “silly girl I miss you.”

    At first it was cute, she thought he was just been blunt but now she knew it was getting out of control. And now she was suffocating. She just held it in because she didn’t want to make an issue out of something so little. After all, he was so sweet to her, respected her, took good care of her and loved her.

                                 ***

    Are you angry with Ruth? Angry that she should have just told Iyke how she felt and how she wanted to be treated. laughs Well, sadly some of you are like Ruth. If Ruth knew the importance of self awareness then she wouldn’t hesitate to communicate her concerns with her partner.

    Before knowing the importance of self awareness its best you understand what self awareness truly is.

    Self awareness is simply knowing and seeing yourself first.
    Self awareness doesn’t end in knowing & seeing yourself for who & what you are or want, it is also been able to make objective decisions for your happiness based on your self discovery about yourself.

    Know yourself first before trying to know someone else.

    Some weeks ago someone asked me, “Chika what’s your weakness?” And I blabbered along and listed my weaknesses to this person. Contrary to years back when someone asked me, “Chika what makes you thick?” I just stared at the person and after giving it a thought I shamefully replied, “I don’t have an idea.” Then it dawned on me that Chika you are now aware of yourself and that’s a good thing compared to the past when I didn’t know the importance of self awareness.

    Being self aware makes you know your moments of emotions, feelings, actions and reactions. When you are self aware nothing gets to you. People only have power over you when you are ignorant of this fact. I can walk on the road and someone makes a side remark “short girl” and I’ll hear it and continue walking because its obvious that I’m short. I know already. There’s no need to remind me. laughs

    If you’re self aware, you begin to know what you can handle, how you react to situations, what you can tolerate, how to avoid tough situations etc. Self awareness makes you emotionally intelligent.

    The reason why your relationships has become enduraceship is because you lack self awareness. You are simply enduring your partner not enjoying him/her because you don’t know what you want. You are not self aware about your needs, aspirations, desires and obligations. None. You are just enjoying sweetness like Ruth but behind the curtains you feel hurt almost always. Some only care about daily 2k hahaha

    Some things to be self aware of include;

    • Who you are?
    • What you are capable of doing?
    • What are your believes & values?
    • What are those boundaries you can’t cross?
    • What makes you angry?
    • What makes you happy?
    • What are your strengths and weaknesses?
    • What do you want in your partner?
    • What inspires you?
    • What do you truly want out of life?
    • What are your dreams & visions
    • What is your purpose?
    • Do you want to get married?
    • Do you want to have children?
    • Do you want to further your education?
    • What can and can’t you tolerate?
    • What kind of people do you welcome into your corner?

    The list is endless…but when you know these things and consciously reflect on them as you grow and evolve, you’d live a more fulfilling life.

    The Importance of Self Awareness in Relationships

    1. Healthy relationship with yourself.

    My God! This right here is a huge importance of self awareness. There is something Campbell the author of Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Own Person said that I love so much. He said, “Self-awareness keeps us grounded, attuned and focused.” And i couldn’t agree more.

    A healthy relationship with yourself starts with being self aware. If you are not aware of who you are then you cannot love yourself the way you ought to. And if you can’t love yourself, no amount of love from anyone else would make you see your self better.

    Being self aware boosts your confidence. Because now you know yourself so much that whatever you do or say emanates an aura of confidence that makes people in awe of you. You pamper yourself and pamper others. You do things that you now know makes you happy. You make decisions that are good for you. Omo! What a cool vibe! winks Wahala for who no know em self this valentine oh. Haha

    1. Healthy relationship with others.

    Yes. This is another importance of self awareness because the bible knew what he was doing when he gave us the golden rule; “treat others in the same way you’ll treat yourself.”

    This is why a stingy person cannot hide his/her self. Because they are stingy to themselves first before they are stingy to others. In the same way, you can’t love others without loving yourself. When you love yourself as a result of how aware you’ve become, that love begins to spread towards others.

    Thats how they will ask you, what kind of woman do you want? And your answer would be; a good woman. Hey God! Don’t do that please. Some women are good but they are foolish upstairs. Some men are good but they are bunch of lazy dudes. And when the good woman come into your life, three months later there’s already catastrophe in the relationship because you weren’t self aware of your needs and desires. Be specific.

    I don’t have stingy friends because I dislike stingy people. If I meet you and like you and later find out that you are not a giver, I run. I don’t endure. I don’t manage. I’m not a manager and neither are you. So please communicate your awareness adequately to build a healthy relationship with yourself and others as well.

    Valentine is coming. Be self aware before you shoot that shot. So that you’ll not have a Val that has pink lips, six packs, speaks well but cannot flush the toilet after shitting. I come in peace. Hahaha

    Any thoughts or opinions on what you just read? Are you self aware? Even felt left out in your relationship because you weren’t self aware of what you wanted? Please share in the comment.

  • Everything is impossible

    “Everything is impossible” I thought when I went from smiling to being sober.

    I cried. I cried like a baby who was denied milk and tenderness. My heart ached terribly, especially after I tried putting myself in those pairs of shoes.

    You may be wondering why, just follow me and I’ll indulge you.

    It happened after I finished reading Danielle Steel’s ‘Impossible’ and couldn’t let go of it’s thought provoking and inspiring story. I remember Liam, the lead male character of the story saying the words “its possible” severally with such great belief, light and hope regardless of the impact of impossibilities surrounding him and the one thing he was fighting for. I also remember Sasha, the lead female character screaming the word “its impossible” with such energy, vibrancy and zeal because she could see clearly the threads of impossibilities tied scattaredly around her and how much the universe was against the one thing she was willing to give a chance for and fight.
    Wants, needs, desires, love, friendship and dreams didn’t matter because possibilities was far fetched. For Sasha, “everything is impossible” but for Liam, “possibility had a chance.”

    For me Chika, what did I think?

    I had no answer to that. I wanted to be optimistic and be the strong gospel believer that I am and say that not everything is impossible but…but…how could I ignore the impossibilities hovering around me, around my community, and around the nation. I didn’t have an answer so I was driven to tears.

    Why couldn’t two people who had their hearts in the right place and had gone through unimaginable sorrows that had scarred them deeply, possibly journey through life in love and compassion? It was sad to imagine because as I read on there was really no chance of possibilities. That door had been shut tightly.

    I asked God lots of questions:

    The bible said “all thing are possible to those that believe” so why couldn’t it be?

    Are some people meant to have difficult and impossible lives?

    Why can’t it just be as Gods word has promised us?

    Or is possibilities only for those who dream big and not for those who live and dream of a normal and content life?

    Does fate & destiny play a cruel part in turning possibilities & impossibilities around?

    Is possibilities only for those in denial or those blind to the reality that everything is impossible?

    I sounded hysterical asking those questions but I knew it was unavoidable at that moment. And if I’m asking, then a million others in the world have asked or is still asking the same questions.

    Time passed and I still didn’t have an answer but something happened, God gave me something that changed everything for me and its going to do the same for you too.

    Everything is impossible

    Three factors that would eradicate the threads of impossibilities and show you that not everything is impossible.

    Believe

    For believers, “Nothing is impossible” because Gods word has already stated it clearly for his children to accept. And remember the word of the Lord standeth sure as 2 Timothy 2:15 says. But there is something you should also note, laughs Something that would offend you as a Christian.

    Mark 9:23
    Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

    Did you note the word “Believeth?” That scripture is only for those that believe. If Nothing is impossible to those who believe then Everything is impossible for those who don’t believe. As simple as that. So pray all you want, study the word all you want. The unbeliever who doesn’t know Christ or perhaps someone who just believes in himself, would attain possibilities because he dared to believe. Have a believing mindset in your craft, dreams, love, relationships and in everything you do. That would stand you out for possibilities.

    Many Chances

    “Everything is impossible” can be the order of the day for someone with doubts. But it isn’t for someone who takes chances. No. A person who takes not one but many chances would certainly enjoy the blessings of possibilities. One of the factors my eyes were opened to was this particular point. Give it many chances for possibilities to manifest. Liam and Sasha’s story was so heartwarming when they kept giving it a chance. The first time, tragedy and loss stood in the way. The second time, family and society took a bigger hold on their happiness and the third time a big decision on Liam’s part. A decision close to betrayal shattered the only ray of light left. At that point I was done. I had accepted that there was no way this relationship was going to work but something happened. A surprise. A big shock. Sasha gave it another chance. She left her arms wide open again and again. I was blown away. I was in awe. I didn’t think I would I her situation. But I realized something, she didn’t do it because she believed in the possibility but she was only willing to try. She was willing to give it many chances for however little time they had together. And that was enough. Give that dream, that goal, that vision, that person as many chances as possible. Only then can everything be possible.

    Time

    Everything is impossible if you stop before time. I’m not going to bore you with the stories of great inventors and achievers who have secured the impossible through the passing of time and not stopping half way because I’m sure you must have heard of those stories. Another time means another opportunity to continue. You can’t just start today and give up today. That’s ridiculous. Sorry to say. A new day is a gift of time given by God to try again. As many times as you’re capable. What you couldn’t get today you can get tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day to begin. In 1994 there was nothing like a smartphone. But in 2020 if you are not using a smartphone then you’d be perceived as an alien. And in 2030 we may have a new invention that would say good bye to a smartphone. Time is an enemy of impossibilities and a friend of possibilities. The next second, minute, hour, day, week, month, and year is another time to try. Don’t stop. Allow time work its magic.

    After God opened my eyes to all this. I understood what he wanted me to learn which is also I wish you’d see too. Which is that;

    “Not everything is impossible. Some things are impossible but nothing is impossible to the one who believes, dares to take many chances and doesn’t stop halfway with time.”

    Thank you for reading. Share your thoughts in the comment below

    Check some quotes on the above topic here

    See my post on how to play hard and win here

  • A November month of gratitude

    This month started like every other month and ended as a November month of gratitude.

    A November month of gratitude and giving thanks

    I’d never forgive myself if I went into the next month without sharing the beautiful memories and blessings God bestowed on me this November.

    Let me share a little of them with you, shall we?

    Clarity

    I started this month just doing my thing without caring less about other things that didn’t have to do with me or anything that wasn’t in my schedule. Yet, something happened along the line while I was living my boring life. Clarity. Everything I kept doing; which were still things I normally did everyday gave me a clearer picture of my purpose and career path. Like magic, it would hit me when I talked to someone, or when I was writing or running my business. Another confirmation would slap me on the face, assuring me that, girl you’re on the right track.

    Ever experienced this?

    You cannot imagine how beautiful that experience made me feel. I’ve seen first hand how moving and working so hard without clear goals and vision can be so detrimental and frustrating. So it was truly a blessing. One I’m very grateful for. So believe me when I say this is a November month of gratitude. And I’m just getting started…. winks

    Birthday

    Oh Yes! For someone who’s birthday was like every other day; boring, dead phone, staring at the wall, stomach worms crying, empty bank account, no vibes, few calls etc. This time, it was explosive. A big blast. It was pure vibes. In fact, I started receiving alert from few days before. I had to check my mail if my eyes were deceiving me. laughs Then the prayers that drove me to tears, the calls that melted my heart, the surprises that left me in awe, and the lots of good food that relegated me to the toilet for days haha The mind blowing part was how healthy I’ve been in my adult years. No sickness, life threatening injuries or diseases, no taking of meds. Nothing. I have been blessed with divine health only few people get to enjoy. It’s a November month of gratitude for the best Scorpio birthday experience I’ve ever had. And now to the best part…

    Gods Love

    Where do I even begin with on this one? I cannot begin to quantify the amount of battles I’ve fought at work, the temptations I’ve faced trying to uphold my character and faith, the risks I’ve taken for my business, the rough decisions I’ve made to make more money and put food on my table, my carelessness, my mistakes, my bad decisions, and above all my spiritual coldness in the past month due to pressure from every side. Yet, the only thing God has done is embrace me in his loving arms and show me how much he loves me. Damn! I’m tearing up right now because loving him, believing in him and submitting my all to him is and will always be the best decision I’ve ever made. And I see and feel his love everyday. I’ve not been in my best behavior, neither have I spent so much time with him as I should have. So how does he love me so much? I sometimes ask myself.

    As an answer to my question, his word reminds me that his very nature is love. He exists to love. Which is why he has given me more blessings this month than I could ever fathom. Mehn! I’m counting those blessings. Each and every one. Every thing I did fell on pleasant places even when I thought I saw some fall on rocky grounds he still made it all perfect in his time. I have never been more grateful. The world doesn’t need to see the six zeros in my account to know, they don’t need to see my huge pocket, they don’t need to see me wear the best cloths to know. They only have to hear me speak, and feel how much my heart beats for only him. This is truly a November month of gratitude for me, with many reasons to be eternally grateful.

    A November month of gratitude and giving thanks

    So my question is: Why isn’t it one for you?

    If everything I just shared doesn’t make you jump for the little things you have in your life right now, then I don’t know what will.

    Phew!

    Its so coincidental that as i am writing this, America is celebrating Thanksgiving today. You get to see a full bowl of tasty, salted, roasted turkey placed at the center of the table with a large number of happy faces of friends and family with folded hands held together to give thanks and reminisce on why they should give thanks. A tradition I admire so much and wish Africans, particularly Nigerians would join in upholding.

    Let me leave you with this:

    Give thanks not because you have it all figured out. But because you know it can be figured out with the gift of time. The gift of the simplest things is big enough to be grateful for. Not because there is no negativity but because the positive times would get you through the negative times.

    I don’t know about you but I’m going to remember this November for a really long time. My November month of gratitude

    You’ve heard mine. Your turn; What are you grateful for? Share with me in the comment. As we share this light of gratitude with others in this November month of gratitude.

    Ever tried a November gratitude challenge? Click here to see how

    I told a great story on Faith here