Chika Jonah Writes

Category: Inspiration

  • Understanding Self Destructiveness and How to stop self destructive behavior

    Self destructive behavior is the act of hurting yourself. Applying pain, hurt and suffering to yourself is a self destructive behavior.

    Self destructiveness is the state of destroying oneself. Causing damage, harm breakdown to yourself.

    This is not caused my someone else. This is a case of implementing your destruction with your own hands. Having the emotional capacity of inflicting pain and destructive measures on yourself consciously or subconsciously.

    Something shocked me yesterday that I’d love to share;

    self destructive behavior photo

    I was going to work and as we were crossing the bridge while inside the moving vehicle, I looked at the other side and saw a man lying on the edge of the bridge. In a split second, I laughed so loud that other passengers turned all eyes on me. All I could think of was, what the hell he was doing lying at the slim edge of a bridge? Doesn’t he have a home? Doesn’t he love his life? Isn’t he scared of the river below? What if a heavy wind comes, and blows him into the river? Has he no love for himself and family?

    I wondered if he was alright, but from his outward appearance he looked fine to me. Or maybe its his village people laughs (a Nigerian slang that signifies when someone from your native home may be the cause of your problem) at work.

    Of course I had no answer to my questions but I felt deeply for him and I was equally angry at him. It was very obvious that he was being self destructive.

    Obvious examples of Self Destructive Behavior

    1. Suicidal thoughts
    2. Over eating
    3. Impulsive drinking
    4. Addictions of any kind including drugs, gambling, ganging etc
    5. Love for pain
    6. Self inflicted injuries
    7. Over thinking

    Aside from these examples which can be easily noticeable when displayed, The unknown truth is that, there are tons of subconscious self destructive behaviors you show everyday without even realizing that you are slowly falling into the pit of self destructiveness. These oblivious examples include;

    1. When you look down on your self.
    2. When you settle for less than what you deserve.
    3. When you allow the negative report around you to cloud your mind, there by, accepting what the world thinks of you.
    4. When you remind yourself everyday of your past failures and see no hope of been successful in anything you do.
    5. When you have no love for your body or skin thereby, shying away from the mirror and inflicting pain on yourself.
    6. Lack of confidence and a deafening low self esteem.
    7. Constantly comparing yourself with others.

    So if at some point you’ve ever felt in any of the ways I listed above, then you’ve shown a certain level self destructive behavior.

    Self destructive behavior

    Now that you know this, lets look at some signs of Self destructive behavior.

    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Suicidal behavior
    • When a person starts keeping Secrets
    • Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – read more here
    • Aggressiveness
    • Always complaining
    • Avoiding people and places

    Here is a sad truth

    9 out of 10 people have displayed a self destructive behavior at some point in their lives. Especially among millennials and young adults. Which is because of the fragility and vulnerability that comes with youth.

    60% of the worlds population have been self destructive in recent times due to a lot of reasons ranging from, lack, unemployment, grief, rejection, pressure, depression, loneliness, heartbreak, divorce etc

    But are these factors enough to consciously put yourself in the face of death or destroy yourself piece by piece till there is nothing left of you?

    No. Not at all.

    The real question is; How then can you stop the ravaging impact of conscious and subconscious self destructiveness?

    I’ve also been self destructive before so I know how it feels to not give a shit anymore, and also i have been opportune to hear the story of others as well. Having listened to their stories, together with my experience, I’ve come to the conclusion that only one thing can stop self destructive behaviors among young adults. That thing is self love.

    SELFLOVE

    Loving yourself more is the greatest gift you can ever give to yourself. Putting yourself as important as that dignitory or celebrity you can’t help but gosh over is what you deserve and more.
    Understanding that you are as important as your parents, your siblings, your family, your job is exactly what you should have at the back of your mind.

    Self destructive behavior

    Because when you love yourself, you’d never think of harming your self. When you love yourself, you’d have high regard for anything that comes from you and anything your hand touches.

    When you love yourself;

    • You’ll stop yourself from been anxious and over thinking because you know it can lead to a high level of depression.
    • You’ll not over eat because you know its not good for your health.
    • You’ll not slit your wrist nor cut your hair because you know you’d be hurting yourself.
    • When you love yourself, you’d understand that pain/loss should be processed not hidden.
    • You’d appreciate how far you’ve come and be grateful for your survival amidst the chaos.

    In fact. When you love yourself you’d do everything and anything that makes you happy.

    Its time you stop been self destructive and start taking care of yourself. You deserve it and more.

    I hope this post has inspired you in some way to always choose life and love. Don’t forget to hare your thoughts in the comment

    Side note – Do you have anyone showing great signs of self destructiveness? Then seek help here.

    You can also find some self destructive quotes here

    Download a copy of this free E-Book to help you live a more fulfilled life here

  • The best plot twist of all time; life.

    Okay guys I’m back again after drinking my caprisonne

    Remember that your favorite TV series and movie?

    The one that kept you awake all night. The one that ruined your perfectly planned out schedule. The one that soaked your pillow with tears. The one that left you pumped to face the giant of the day. The one that brought out the hopeless romantic in you.

    How did you feel about the plot twist in that movie/show? Because I’m sure 90% of those shows and movies had a plot twist that shook your nerves and left your brain spinning or even made you angry.

    Let’s look at Game of thrones.

    Game of thrones is still the best series the universe has ever produced. An Epic show that this world would never recover from, even generations to come.
    Yet having one of the greatest plot twist in the history of TV.

    To some it left them disappointed, to people like me, it left us ecstatic. Some wailed and fainted. People like me were left satisfied and calm.

    Why? You may ask. Well, I’m coming to that…

    Let’s also look at The Prodigal Son.

    Personally, the prodigal son is the best modern crime investigative show I’ve ever seen since the birth of the likes of NCIS, Nikita etc. Like the name says, its a story of the complicated relationship between a father and the son. And how the sins of a father can affect the children.
    Yet this show came with a deep plot twist in its first season that left everyone dumbfounded.

    To some it left them eager, since there is more seasons to come. To others it was shocking because they never expected something like that to happen.

    Now you may still ask Why?

    Because nothing in life comes without a plot twist. Absolutely nothing plays out exactly the way you planned it to be or exactly the way you desired it to be.

    And the reason why some get disappointed and others get excited is because;

    1. Those who get disappointed are those who put all their expectation in their plan. Those who expect life to move on like its been controlled by a remote control. They drown in the thought that everything would be perfect and when it doesn’t end up that way, they end up destroying their life because they can’t handle the result of the plot twist.
    2. Those who get excited are those who have realized that nothing in life is mushy mushy. Not everything is as beautiful as roses in spring. People who know that a little kick can change everything and, they accept it like that and move on.

    How can you brace yourself for life’s plot twist or handle it when it comes.

    1. By letting it sink that life is a fusion of small wins, big losses, big wins and small losses
    2. By accepting that expecting perfection is deadly and unrealistic.
    3. When that plan doesn’t go well, there is always another plan that would work. When that person doesn’t end up been in a position to help you, there is always another person who may come up. When you end up not meeting that deadline, there is always another one to be met.
    4. When one thing doesn’t give you the satisfaction you desire, something else will, only if you keep moving.

    Just like you met new pot holes on your way to work today that wasn’t there yesterday, yet you still reached your destination, so also that plot twist may surprise you but it would not predict your result as long as you choose not to let it.

    As you expect perfection, also give room for twists alongside so you don’t end up crying forever.

    How could you expect that because Jon was the bastard son and has the blood of the targarian that he would be the king. And think that they would give you that. No. That’s something we’ve known since. Its too predictable. Too simple. Jon was too soft to rule the seven kingdoms

    They gave us something bigger.

    The greatest power came back to the Stark family.

    All the kingdoms had a stark in power. That is more than enough.

    Life is unpredictable and full of twists. Adjust as you go and move fast.

    Are you energized to face the twists that life throws at you? Share your thoughts in the comment below.

  • Who do you blame for your failure? The power of preparation

    We came back late from church that night; me and my mom. Upon reaching, we noticed that there was no electricity, the power was out. We immediately went to carry the fuel to power the generator., only to find out that the fuel rubber was empty.

    We felt so frustrated. It was hard to do anything around the house with no light. Mummy’s phone’s battery was dead and she needed it on in order to make a last minute change to the project she was handling, due to be submitted on Sunday, the next day.

    There was nothing we could do except hope and pray. Which was a delusional exercise, knowing how annoying and unpredictable the power company in Nigeria can be. But we kept hope alive and focused on every other thing.

    By few minutes past eleven, she was sitting in the living room consumed with sleep. While I was in my room pressing my phone, with no care at all, whether they bring the light or not was not my problem. I just wish they did, for my mothers sake.

    Almost immediately we heard the sound of the meter “Up NEPA.” I leaped for joy and ran to the living room to tell my mom. She knew already when I got there. She quickly went to the room to get her charger.

    I just sat there and watched her plug the charger to the socket.

    “What kind of nonsense is this?” My mom exclaimed in anger. I became instantly worried.

    “What happened?” I asked.

    “The charger is not working.” She wailed.

    “Are you serious? Have you checked well? Give me let me try.”

    “I’ve even tried it on the extension, yet it did not charge.” She replied and gave me the charger to try.

    I tried severally, i bent the head of the charger, folded the cord, plugged it on every other socket in the house but it still didnt work.

    “After waiting for power. This nonsense charger failed me. I will not buy charger from that man again”. She kept talking. I wanted to laugh so badly but I held it in. Now the charger seller is the one to blame laughs.

    I quickly ran to my room to laugh well, so she won’t see me. “Mummy go and sleep. There is nothing you can do now”. I said to her as I went inside.

    I shut the door and laughed my hearts out.

    I also felt for her. The thing she had been praying for finally came but she was not ready to recieve it.

    Because she had neglected the power of preparation and its place.

    Let’s take a look at this carefully;

    The Goal was for the phone to be charged.
    For the phone to be charged she needed electricity. Electricity was beyond her control so she prayed for it to come. Then, finally it came, but she couldn’t use it; it was as good as useless because something was lacking.

    The means.

    The means in which the electricity would be passed to the phone to eventually fulfill her goal was missing. That means was the Charger in our case study.

    But that means in real life is Preparation.

    She could blame the man, blame the socket, blame NEPA but at the end of the day, she was to blame, because she wasn’t prepared for when power would be back on. Of course you may say, but there was no way for her to have known that the charger was faulty, but regardless, she should have been prepared for the outcome.

    If you’ve read to this point I’m sure you know where I’m heading to.

    Preparation is the means that connects your opportunity and your dreams together to give you your desired result and turn those dreams into reality.

    Preparation is the means to an achievable end.

    Note this:

    While praying for that big sales to land, also prepare by making sure that your products bring solution, that you have a good strategy in place, and that you’ve got the skills to sign this deal.

    As you pray for your dream lady/gentleman, make sure that you are mentally, spiritually, physically and behaviouraly prepared to handle whatever comes your way. Or else the gift you prayed for may just be useless to you.

    Most of you are consumed with the idea of success and the sound of six figures. But it would never be yours if you don’t prepare; by sharpening your skills, studying what needs to be learned, meeting who needs to met; going to school if that’s what it takes, paying for a course if that is the means, collaborating with others if that would produce the result.

    Just do what it takes and move fast.

    Blame yourself instead of blaming your fate, situation and lack of resources, because when the opportunity comes what you would deliver becomes absolutely trash, instead of delivery your very best.

    And no one wants that.

    So to avoid that situation arising. Be prepared for that long awaited gig and opportunity, so that when you begin, you smash it.

    Begin.

    Thank you for stopping by. Drop your thought in the comment. Like and share too