Chika Jonah Writes

Category: Inspiration

  • Does time heal every wound? (How to use time to heal in 10 ways)

    Does time heal every wound? A question I asked myself after i watched something few weeks back when an elderly man tapped a younger man on the shoulder and said “time heals all wounds lad.” And I burst out laughing. Really? Who was he kidding?

    I guess he was just trying to encourage the young guy or make him feel better about the situation. Maybe it worked but I’m sure later he would realize the bitter truth.

    I bought a gorgeous heel three years ago and it was sparkling and clean and everything that makes a shoe new. Now I’m staring at it in the wardrobe and its no longer shinning, no longer new. Infact, it has a sratch on the tip, and a dark line on the sole.

    A lot has changed yet, it’s still the same nude shoe I bought three years ago. Even more comfortable now than when it was new because my feet has gotten used to it. Its familiar & comfortable just like a relationship between a married couple.

    Does time heal every wound? No! Time does not heal every wound and any wound. Time is an illusion. You wake up the next day thinking you’ve got all the time and then blink again only to realize that five years has passed. That’s the thing about time.

    If time heal every wound, I bet our nation would not be as stale as it is with all our hero’s fight for change.

    It doesn’t stop for you to be prepared. It doesn’t wait for you to get ready. It doesn’t listen to your screams and wails. It doesn’t listen to your wish. It just goes on and on and on. It doesn’t stop. It doesn’t get stuck in traffic like you. It doesn’t wait at the bus station like you. It doesn’t wait for a donor or a blood bank. It just keeps going.

    So how does time heal every wound for you when it doesn’t stop to realize that oh! Something terrible just happened to you?

    More than a year after my loss and tragedy I was still the same miserable person, even worse than before. What happened to time healing every wound as days and months passed by? I was still sore, numb and badly betrayed. I realized it was a lie when people said time heal every wound. Instead I found out what time really does.

    What does time do?

    Time brings chances

    Time can present chances that can come with new events and happenings. A chance to do something different. An opportunity. A calling. A new goal. It would not remove the pain nor dry your tears but it can maybe open a door to step into ie if you give yourself the chance to.

    Time brings Perspective

    Time can give you a new perspective to things. Maybe a depth to that problem you’re facing. A new look to why you’re in this situation in the first place. This perspective may bring you more pain or a relief because it is revealing. You may hear a story or an event can happen that begins to make you see things in another angle. That can be good or bad. Either way, that is the perspective that comes with time.

    Time brings another dimension

    Time can create another line of focus. Like a bolt of lightening it can bring another dimension to your story or to the things that went down and how it did. And that can make you shift your focus to that dimension. Things can crop up, like a rumor, an estranged family, a loving stranger that changes the course of everything, takes your focus and leaves your pain buried and unprocessed or leaves it better and light.

    Understanding what time can do can make you understand whether to put your growth and healing to time. And with what has been shared you’d realize that’s a shitty thing to do. Time is on its own journey ticking the clock. The question is, what are you doing with time?

    How to make time heal every wound for you.

    The statement “time heal every wound” is false. Enough time can pass and you’ll still be in the same shit hole.
    What matters is how you use that time. Time is just a moving concept and the best way to use time is to experience it.

    1. Focus on you

    You are the game changer. You are the owner of your life. Letting time go may make you feel better but it would not heal anything. Something can happen and trigger that pain all over again. Focus on how important you are. Remember how only you can make you better if you choose to.

    1. Stop asking why

    The minute you start asking why it happened to you, why you had to go through this, why you’re so unlucky then you’re going to keep asking and keep getting frustrated because no one can really answer that question. No one knows why and there’s really no need to wonder why. Instead, focus on how to heal, how to be better, how to keep going.

    1. Avoid playing the victim

    You are not the worse. You’re not the most unfortunate. You are not terrible. You are not dumb nor stupid. You are just going through a difficult phase that would pass. Don’t act in a way that validates peoples pity for you. Don’t play the victim game. You can rise and you will.

    1. Don’t personalize it.

    Not everything is about you. If you’re always like, why does this thing always happen to me? Then you’re personalizing it. Its wrong. It can happen to others as well. Infact, everyone goes through shit too, even worse than yours so Its not just about you. You are not targeted. Its not personal.

    1. Process not Run

    You are doing yourself harm if you buckle yourself up and act like nothing happened. You waking up the next day with a smile on your face going on your business like nothing happened while your heart is about to explode is dangerous. Cry, scream, shout, talk, hit anything to let it all out. Healing starts with processing. Processing each pain, feeling, thought, emotions and letting go. Not running, hiding, caging or hoarding. Pain not processed kills you slowly

    1. Embrace the past

    Leave all those ones that says forget your past. See ba, nothing truly stays in the past. We are fragments of our past. Our future lies the story of our past. Your present today is your past tomorrow. So instead of running from a past that may come hunting you. Why not embrace it. Embracing it means accepting what went down, taking responsibility, taking charge of what you can change, accepting what you can’t change and allowing whatever events that happened in the past not define you. Can you do that? If you can do that then you’ve won life’s biggest battle.

    1. Be aware of triggers

    For me when their death anniversary comes, I realize I always let it consume me so what I did was to remember them before that day (even though I remember them everyday) and then when the anniversary comes it goes by like a normal day and I don’t get triggered. Find out the things that trigger your pain all over again and find ways to not let it affect you deeply. Awareness makes you have a power over the situation.

    1. Do not push people away.

    This is hard but its important. I get that you want to process things and fight your own battle. But a friendly, honest, loving, caring and supportive hand to hold isn’t that bad. Don’t run from people that genuinely want to be there for you. Its okay if you don’t want their help or advice but their support can go a long way. I promise.

    1. Be grateful

    Its hard to be grateful when going through an ordeal but one of the things that helped me heal was gratitude. When I read Robert Schuller’s book “Tough times never last but tough people do.” that said “Instead of comparing yourself with those more fortunate than you, why not compare yourself with those less fortunate than you.” Only then would you be grateful for where you are. That line hit so deep. (Get a free copy of the book here) Gratitude opens your eyes to see the beauty beyond your pain.

    1. Experience life.

    Choosing yourself and your ability to try to heal would give you a chance to live again. Like we said earlier, time bring chances and that chance is another experience. Don’t hold yourslef back from experiencing life again after pain. You can still live life to the fullest if you choose to. Decide now to fly, to dream, to dance and to embrace.

    Time does not heal every wound, its how you use the time you have that matters.

    Chika Jonah

    Make conscious use of your time.

    What are your thoughts after reading this? Do you still think that time heal every wound? Were you inspired? Were you motivated? Want to talk? Leave me a feedback in the comment.

  • Where Do You Want To Be In 5 years? (Reflection on effective goal setting)

    Someone asked me this question few days ago; Chika, where do you want to be in 5 years?

    I’m sure the person is probably going to hate me from that day because my answer was not nice at all. hahaha

    I answered that, “I did not understand last year, I’m still trying to understand & navigate this year. Am I Jesus Christ that I would know where I’d want to be in five years from now? I don’t like nonsense joor.” laughs

    I made a joke out of it because I was pissed by the question in the first place. I just didn’t want to sound rude or ignore the person asking so I made light of it.

    So let me ask you the same question; Where do you want to be in 5 years?

    Relax

    Breathe

    Take a chill pill

    Don’t be in a haste to answer the question

    This is not a question you can just answer with anything that comes to your head.
    Like; I just want more money, I want to be rich 5 years from now, I want to have my own house 5 years from now, I want to travel to Dubai etc.

    Often times this is a question that would take a lot of deep thinking. A question that should be reflected upon for better goal setting.

    No one truly knows where they want to be next week because the future is uncertain. They only know the things that they can control. In setting those goals, the question you should ask yourself is; have you made room for the things you cannot control?

    This is the problem I have with this “where do you want to be in 5 years” question.

    It is not realistic and it is often not achievable.

    How can your answer to the “where do you want to be in 5 years” question be more realistic?

    By following these goal setting steps;

    Step 1

    Picture the Big Dream.

    Now let’s use my big goal as a case study. I have this inner intense dream of working with Caprisonne Nigeria one day in the future. Maybe as a brand strategist or creative writer or anything. I love caprisonne, in fact I can’t do without it and I believe in that piece of sweet product so much. (I’m sure all of you know this by now) So working with them would be a dream come true.

    I also want this blog to birth hundreds of undiluted unfinished stories of people from different part of the world. Whilst training young people on creative writing and storytelling. As well as publishing a fiction novel and several self help books & inspirational books.

    That’s the picture of some of the dreams and goals I have. It’s important you picture the dream as many as they are and don’t loose that picture.

    Step 2

    Don’t time frame the big dream.

    The problem with the “where do you want to be in 5 years” question isn’t that the question is wrong. Its just that a lot of things can go wrong after asking this question.

    The first wrong thing is that this question disregards the beauty of time in the fulfillment of your dreams.

    Why 5 years? Why put a time to it? The question should be “Where do you want to be in the future?” Not in 5 years. Five years can come and nothing would happen. Yet, fifteen years can pass by and everything you ever dreamt of starts manifesting.

    Its just like setting a deadline to your goals. And that leaves no room for the supernatural. No room for the miracles heaven has proposed to happen. No room for the events beyond your control.

    Instead of beating yourself towards achieving that 5 year goal that may not happen due to reasons beyond your power. Why not give yourself the freedom to enjoy the process as you work towards that goal. And embrace it when you get that breakthrough whether it happens now, seven years from now or ten years from now.

    Step 3

    Set smaller achievable goals and fix a deadline if you must.

    When you have a picture of the big dream, and you’ve understood that setting a time frame limits the ability for your dreams to bloom fully, and leaves you in a terrible state when it doesn’t happen during that time frame, then the next step is to set smaller achievable goals that you can pilot on your own terms.

    Let’s use our case study again.

    Like I said earlier one of my big dreams is to work with caprisonne and there is no need putting a time span to its fulfillment because now I understand that, I’m not the owner of caprisonne, neither am I the controller. So its beyond my power to secure a huge spot with them just because I wish to.

    But here is something I can do; by setting smaller achievable goals I can position myself properly to earn their recognition. I can also build my influence around the heartwarming bond I have with caprisonne. And even if I don’t end up working with them I’d still win because I’ve built a strong community and influence around what I love.

    Do you now see why setting smaller achievable goals are important?

    After setting those small goals, fixing a deadline around it becomes more realistic and more achievable.

    I can easily say I’d want to be a published author in the next 5 years. Now thats more realistic! Because its totally in my power to achieve that. All I have to do is start the book and be consistent at it.

    You can easily say I want to acquire two landed properties at Golf estate Portharcourt in the next 5 years rather than saying I want to own the entire golf estate in the next five years.

    Before screaming aloud where you’d want to be in 5 years, make sure you understand the principles of goal setting, reflect on what you truly want, to avoid welcoming unnecessary pressures and tension. And prepare adequately. The place of preparation can never be overemphasized.

    I’d rather you answer “where you’d want to be in the future” question than where do you want to be in 5 years.

    I hope you get the message.

    Your turn; where would you want to be in the near future? I’ve told you mine already drop your answer in the comment. You never can tell, someone may be watching closely.

  • 3 Effective Ways To Find Peace Of Mind And Happiness

    Today its Peace of mind and happiness. Last week we talked about unexpectations then a question popped in my head, would I be at peace when something unexpected happen? Nah. I doubt that. Truth is my mind would be in constant turmoil thinking of how to handle the blow and how to face this new pursuit.

    find peace of mind and happiness
    Peace of mind and happiness by Moses Ameachi

    When James was informed that his shop was engulfed in flames. He was thrown off balance. Loosing everything, the sweat, blood, money was all gone. Everything was lost. He went from thinking of how to keep growing in business to how he would start afresh all over again. His peace was denied. How would he find peace of mind again and happiness?

    The same day John went on one knee and proposed to his girl friend of three years. And beautifully she said “yes I will.” It was the most heartwarming feeling ever to those watching and such a big blessing & celebration for John whose heart couldn’t stop beating. laughs But later that night all the happiness disappeared.

    The sweet memory was gone now replaced with the thought of having a new responsibility. What if he failed at his marriage? What if he makes his soon to be wife unhappy? Would forever be theirs or would their marriage fade along the line? Would he be a terrible father like his own dad? He tossed and turned all through the night. As happy as he thought he was, somewhere alone he fought. He was faced with a battle that denied his peace of mind. How would he find his peace of mind and happiness again?

    Unlearn that the only battle we face is a physical battle.

    The biggest battle we face is that of the mind. We first wage war in our mind before we throw physical punches. Someone asked me yesterday “what is happiness to you?” And I thought, Peace. Peace. When I was the happiest was when I had peace. Sometimes I laughed the loudest but I was not happy. Sometimes I made silly dance videos but i wasn’t happy at all. Other times I played so hard yet I knew I was deeply sad. So happiness is not when you laugh the most, not when you eat your favorite food or talk to your favorite person but its when you are at peace. When your mind is as free as a bird. When you feel like flying.

    Does this mean every time I drank my favorite drink; caprisonne or spoke to that special someone that makes me smile that I wasn’t happy? No. It only means that I can be happy at intervals. That there are little things that would brighten our world and our faces even when our mind is not at peace. Little deposits of goodness that constitutes our happiness and lighten our heart but doesn’t give us the win we desire. Those deposits are what keeps us going when the storm rages. Peace of mind and happiness is like mother and child. Peace births happiness.

    A mother is happy once she hears the news of a child growing in her, and as this child grows in her she is both happy and sad because of the restlessness and experience that come with pregnancy and childbirth. Yet, she is only a mother once the child is born. That is her win. That is the cue that the battle is won.

    Mandy Kloppers shared 40 whopping ways to find inner peace and I must say, that tip she shared was helpful and would give you relief.

    But as someone that would always tell you the bitter truth whether you like it or not or want to hear it or not, do everything on that list and you still won’t find peace. You would not even remember that anything like affirmations exists or breathing therapy or books or yoga. Who does yoga in this part of the world? Books fire! laughs

    So are you ready for me to show you how to find peace of mind and happiness?

    3 effective ways to find peace of mind and happiness

    Acceptance.

    Acceptance is accepting that this thing is gone or that this situation has happened. Henrik Edberg said “let go of things you cannot control. Acceptance is accepting that some things are beyond your control and that there’s so little you can do. Acceptance is also acknowledging what needs immediate attention. As much as there are things you can’t change there are also some difficult situations where you’d have to step in and act.

    Acceptance is the first step to gaining peace of mind and happiness. A lot of people stay in denial for a long time, due to fear, stress or weakness. But as soon as they mentally accept the deed then they’d see a light so bright that it brightens their lives.

    God.

    God is the giver of peace. I cannot over emphasize the importance of a relationship with God. If you’re not communicating with God then you’re missing the most important relationship ever.

    In fact you’re missing life itself. His very nature is peace. His spirit comforts us and takes away our burden. Start seeing him as a friend, talk to him as a friend, pour out your heart and mind to him and watch him renew your mind. Watch him operate on your mind. Your peace would be endless. Everlasting. Still confused on how to communicate intimately with God? Read a guide here on Christian intimacy with the Holy spirit.

    Little things.

    Regardless of whether you are void of peace of mind and happiness, there are little things that excites you and put smiles on your face. Indulge in those things. It may be talking to a friend, traveling, watching football or movies, driving, partying, exercising etc. For me watching a movie takes my mind off the chaos.

    When you accept that there are some things you don’t have the power to control, bring it at the foot of Christ, talk to God about it and as you find happiness in little things you love, gradually you’d have your peace of mind and happiness restored back to you.

    A win.

    What is happiness to you? And do you agree that these points can help you regain your peace of mind and happiness? Got more points to add? Share your thoughts and experience in the comment below.