Chika Jonah Writes

Tag: Rejection

  • The Angry Tears I Shed

    pexel – angry tears

    Dear You,

    I write this letter in angry tears…in fact, this lemon top of mine is been scarred with dry wasted tears even as I write this.

    Those piercing words you’ve probably heard before, I heard again last night, and its echoes replaying in my tiny little head brought these uncontrollable angry tears.

    I write this to hide it in my drawer but I’m hoping it gets to you. Wishing that my tears would embrace yours. Praying that these angry tears would stop flowing, but I can’t control it. So just for today, I’m letting it flow.

    The voice of rejection.
    The voice of selfishness
    That same voice that tells me to my face that I was taken for granted.
    I experienced.

    Have you experienced this?
    Did you feel the way I’m feeling now?
    The pain that transitions to anger.

    You may have also received that blow of disregard.
    You may have also received that punch of abandonment.
    You may have also faced that look of wickedness.
    You may have also been shocked by the striking reality that you were nothing to them.
    You may have also felt used and alone.
    It may have saddened you that they couldn’t stand up for you.
    You may have also been helpless as a result.
    You may have also cried till there was no more tears.
    You may have also felt weak like I am feeling now.

    How did you move on?

    Oh wait! I’m not done…

    How could I forget the plea!

    The plea for support.
    Pleading to dry my biting angry tears.
    Begging for a tiny bit of understanding.
    Crying for help.
    Holding on just to experience a little warmth.
    Just waiting for a show of reverence.

    Yet nothing. Absolute coldness was what I got. A blow on the face.

    Do you understand? Oh, hold on! Don’t tell me you understand.

    Just tell me you will never be in the giving end of that punch.

    Promise me you would let it be.
    Promise me you’ll fight and cry just as I am, and let go.
    Promise me that, as hard as moving on sounds, you’d try.
    Promise me you would not care about the pain you received and give back only love.
    Promise me that this painful and angry tears would not be avenged.

    As sad as all this has been, and after reading the scriptures to get me through bad days, I’m reminded yet again, to hold on to the few who has stuck it out with me. And my tears increase. Not angry tears, but warm tears that fill my heart with love.

    The ones who have held you down till this day, have you told them how invaluable they are to you?

    Your actions everyday should express your love for them. To not take them for granted nor abandon them the way some others did, but to hold on to them.

    Will You?

    Dear you, Finally, I’m remembering this angry tears as my will to live and love. Let yours be the same for you.

    Love
    Chika.

  • Still, using your pain as an excuse? Here’s what Kirk Franklin has to say.

    “Grow up Ken” Angela yelled

    “How Angela? My parents died without really helping me grow so how am I supposed to grow up”. He growled back
    Angela walked away fed up with his attitude.

    On Sunday I saw Kirk Franklin’s post on IG and it hit a cord.

    He celebrated not the woman who gave birth to him but the woman who gave him his name and brought hope into his life because his birth mother abandoned him.

    You’re crying that your parents made your life empty because they died and left you. But what if you were abandoned by their very own hands, rejected and cast aside like a used rag. How would you feel then? Would your pain not be more unbearable?

    Think about that.

    That was Kirk’s story, yet what is more amazing is that looking at him now, one would never believe him to be the same boy who slept at the trunk of a car. The same person who was abandoned. What you’d see now is a Man as big as God. Untouchable and Unbreakable.

    If he wanted he could have bowed to his pain and sorrows instead he let that pain be the motivation for his success.

    Some of you are quick to replay the sad story every second of the day. You seek people’s sympathy hoping they would cut you some slack because of your predicament.

    Aunty, we are tired of hearing it
    Uncle, we are tired of pitying you
    We are tired of your excuses

    We want to hear about your progress. How do you do that;

    FIGHT BACK

    Fight every emotion with everything in you. Fight back baby. When a thousand negative words play in your head, counter it with ten thousand positive words from God’s word.
    Don’t listen to the weakness in your body. Go out. Stand in the street. Do you see the blind up already working? Do you see little children hawking before sunrise? How many cars can you count driving past you? That should be enough motivation to fight. If they can then you can.

    HEAL

    Healing starts from acceptance
    Accept that you’ve not properly let go. Accept that you’re failing at progressing. Accept that you’re stuck in one place and need healing. Accept that you are enough. Heal so that you don’t raise a generation of traumatic people. Don’t be a pain in the ass. Don’t let people give up on you, instead show them that you can make progress. Talk to a therapist. Hold someone’s hand. Talk to God. Feel him in his nature and embrace the healing that comes thereafter.

    START LIVING

    Enough of the sullen face, the back biting, the excuses and pity hunt. It’s time to remind yourself of those dreams you’ve forgotten. Those dreams you lived for before sorrows and pain came into the picture. Go out and take the cool breeze. Call those friends you must have pushed away. Start from the opportunities you see all around you. Take a chance on yourself and truly start living. Live for yourself because you matter.

    Rise up. Take the wheel. Stop giving excuses. Your pain should push you to succeed

    Are you inspired by this post? Like and Drop a comment. Need help or a listening ear? Send an email. And let’s hold each other’s hand