Chika Jonah Writes

Tag: Inspiration

  • Does time heal every wound? (How to use time to heal in 10 ways)

    Does time heal every wound? A question I asked myself after i watched something few weeks back when an elderly man tapped a younger man on the shoulder and said “time heals all wounds lad.” And I burst out laughing. Really? Who was he kidding?

    I guess he was just trying to encourage the young guy or make him feel better about the situation. Maybe it worked but I’m sure later he would realize the bitter truth.

    I bought a gorgeous heel three years ago and it was sparkling and clean and everything that makes a shoe new. Now I’m staring at it in the wardrobe and its no longer shinning, no longer new. Infact, it has a sratch on the tip, and a dark line on the sole.

    A lot has changed yet, it’s still the same nude shoe I bought three years ago. Even more comfortable now than when it was new because my feet has gotten used to it. Its familiar & comfortable just like a relationship between a married couple.

    Does time heal every wound? No! Time does not heal every wound and any wound. Time is an illusion. You wake up the next day thinking you’ve got all the time and then blink again only to realize that five years has passed. That’s the thing about time.

    If time heal every wound, I bet our nation would not be as stale as it is with all our hero’s fight for change.

    It doesn’t stop for you to be prepared. It doesn’t wait for you to get ready. It doesn’t listen to your screams and wails. It doesn’t listen to your wish. It just goes on and on and on. It doesn’t stop. It doesn’t get stuck in traffic like you. It doesn’t wait at the bus station like you. It doesn’t wait for a donor or a blood bank. It just keeps going.

    So how does time heal every wound for you when it doesn’t stop to realize that oh! Something terrible just happened to you?

    More than a year after my loss and tragedy I was still the same miserable person, even worse than before. What happened to time healing every wound as days and months passed by? I was still sore, numb and badly betrayed. I realized it was a lie when people said time heal every wound. Instead I found out what time really does.

    What does time do?

    Time brings chances

    Time can present chances that can come with new events and happenings. A chance to do something different. An opportunity. A calling. A new goal. It would not remove the pain nor dry your tears but it can maybe open a door to step into ie if you give yourself the chance to.

    Time brings Perspective

    Time can give you a new perspective to things. Maybe a depth to that problem you’re facing. A new look to why you’re in this situation in the first place. This perspective may bring you more pain or a relief because it is revealing. You may hear a story or an event can happen that begins to make you see things in another angle. That can be good or bad. Either way, that is the perspective that comes with time.

    Time brings another dimension

    Time can create another line of focus. Like a bolt of lightening it can bring another dimension to your story or to the things that went down and how it did. And that can make you shift your focus to that dimension. Things can crop up, like a rumor, an estranged family, a loving stranger that changes the course of everything, takes your focus and leaves your pain buried and unprocessed or leaves it better and light.

    Understanding what time can do can make you understand whether to put your growth and healing to time. And with what has been shared you’d realize that’s a shitty thing to do. Time is on its own journey ticking the clock. The question is, what are you doing with time?

    How to make time heal every wound for you.

    The statement “time heal every wound” is false. Enough time can pass and you’ll still be in the same shit hole.
    What matters is how you use that time. Time is just a moving concept and the best way to use time is to experience it.

    1. Focus on you

    You are the game changer. You are the owner of your life. Letting time go may make you feel better but it would not heal anything. Something can happen and trigger that pain all over again. Focus on how important you are. Remember how only you can make you better if you choose to.

    1. Stop asking why

    The minute you start asking why it happened to you, why you had to go through this, why you’re so unlucky then you’re going to keep asking and keep getting frustrated because no one can really answer that question. No one knows why and there’s really no need to wonder why. Instead, focus on how to heal, how to be better, how to keep going.

    1. Avoid playing the victim

    You are not the worse. You’re not the most unfortunate. You are not terrible. You are not dumb nor stupid. You are just going through a difficult phase that would pass. Don’t act in a way that validates peoples pity for you. Don’t play the victim game. You can rise and you will.

    1. Don’t personalize it.

    Not everything is about you. If you’re always like, why does this thing always happen to me? Then you’re personalizing it. Its wrong. It can happen to others as well. Infact, everyone goes through shit too, even worse than yours so Its not just about you. You are not targeted. Its not personal.

    1. Process not Run

    You are doing yourself harm if you buckle yourself up and act like nothing happened. You waking up the next day with a smile on your face going on your business like nothing happened while your heart is about to explode is dangerous. Cry, scream, shout, talk, hit anything to let it all out. Healing starts with processing. Processing each pain, feeling, thought, emotions and letting go. Not running, hiding, caging or hoarding. Pain not processed kills you slowly

    1. Embrace the past

    Leave all those ones that says forget your past. See ba, nothing truly stays in the past. We are fragments of our past. Our future lies the story of our past. Your present today is your past tomorrow. So instead of running from a past that may come hunting you. Why not embrace it. Embracing it means accepting what went down, taking responsibility, taking charge of what you can change, accepting what you can’t change and allowing whatever events that happened in the past not define you. Can you do that? If you can do that then you’ve won life’s biggest battle.

    1. Be aware of triggers

    For me when their death anniversary comes, I realize I always let it consume me so what I did was to remember them before that day (even though I remember them everyday) and then when the anniversary comes it goes by like a normal day and I don’t get triggered. Find out the things that trigger your pain all over again and find ways to not let it affect you deeply. Awareness makes you have a power over the situation.

    1. Do not push people away.

    This is hard but its important. I get that you want to process things and fight your own battle. But a friendly, honest, loving, caring and supportive hand to hold isn’t that bad. Don’t run from people that genuinely want to be there for you. Its okay if you don’t want their help or advice but their support can go a long way. I promise.

    1. Be grateful

    Its hard to be grateful when going through an ordeal but one of the things that helped me heal was gratitude. When I read Robert Schuller’s book “Tough times never last but tough people do.” that said “Instead of comparing yourself with those more fortunate than you, why not compare yourself with those less fortunate than you.” Only then would you be grateful for where you are. That line hit so deep. (Get a free copy of the book here) Gratitude opens your eyes to see the beauty beyond your pain.

    1. Experience life.

    Choosing yourself and your ability to try to heal would give you a chance to live again. Like we said earlier, time bring chances and that chance is another experience. Don’t hold yourslef back from experiencing life again after pain. You can still live life to the fullest if you choose to. Decide now to fly, to dream, to dance and to embrace.

    Time does not heal every wound, its how you use the time you have that matters.

    Chika Jonah

    Make conscious use of your time.

    What are your thoughts after reading this? Do you still think that time heal every wound? Were you inspired? Were you motivated? Want to talk? Leave me a feedback in the comment.

  • My journey as a female entrepreneur in Nigeria.

    My journey as a female entrepreneur in Nigeria has been a mouthful says Aniekeme Umoren our Guest writer.

    Aniekeme Umoren(Ann) is an entrepreneur, with a degree in Accounting. After been an Auditor for a year, she is currently the team manager of Partylane Dynamic Concept.
    She entered the entrepreneurial world to explore her passion for Fashion and add beauty to human lives. Life to her means family and friends who can be trusted. She is self driven, she takes pride in providing the best products and services to customers/clients.

    Connect with her here;
    Instagram – Beautiful Ankara Fabrics
    Facebook – Beautiful Ankara Fabrics
    Email – aniekemeuby@gmail.com

    Here is what Ann says;

    Where should we start?
    I am grateful for the opportunity given to me to share my experience. Chi, thanks again.
    And to everyone reading, I hope we learn from my intriguing yet eye-opening journey as a female entrepreneur in Nigeria.

    Having an entrepreneurial vision is interesting, I would lie if I say it’s one of the smoothest Journey ever. Hmm…it isn’t.
    I stopped applying for a job when I realised that I was wasting my time doing so.
    Are you shocked to hear me say so?

    Female entrepreneur in Nigeria

    It all started immediately after my National Youth Service Corps(NYSC). I had this poor mindset that after my NYSC program I would find a white collar job.

    Well, it turned out to be the opposite.
    I kept applying for jobs in different places (banks to be precise) I love Bankers and was obsessed with the banking industry.

    Few weeks later, I was called up for interviews at different banks.
    I got rejected at the finals due to the fact that I was newly married and they believed I wouldn’t be able to perform my duty as required; such as traveling round the world, working late etc.

    Should I say… Fortunately, I gave up my dreams of working in the bank and began reading Brain Tracy’s book “CHANGE YOUR THINKING, CHANGE YOUR LIFE” that was all I needed at that point in time. I lost focus, was depressed and full of negative thoughts that my friends have all made it through life and I’m still stagnated. I needed something to get my hopes high, and all I could think of was reading a book. Thankfully, the book did help redirect my thoughts.

    I realized there was something missing in my world and that was FASHION. Fashion has always been my day one dream right from childhood, have always played with colors, pieces of clothes, drawings, threads and needle. smiles

    I had to turn my focus to Fashion. But then I had obstacles; financial obstacles hindering me from getting things done immediately. Like the saying “there’s nothing free in Freetown not to talk of Nigeria.” laighs Becoming a female entrepreneur in Nigeria wasn’t going to be easy so I had to improvise.

    Something that could actually relate to fashion. To avoid procrastination I had to start somewhere, anywhere and anyhow.
    I ordered 15pieces of Ankara fabrics and began selling them to people around me.
    Honestly, It was never an easy task. It took me a month to be able to sell out only ’15 fabrics’ laughs.

    I didn’t know how to convince people to buy them so it made it very difficult to sell out. I was terrible at marketing. An important skill that would help me successfully be a female entrepreneur in Nigeria. At some point I got scared of what my life has become. It was so frustrating and I was a little hopeless.

    After a while, I created a business account on social media( Instagram and Facebook precisely) I bought more fabrics about 15pieces, I uploaded them and waited for response like forever. No one called, no notifications, no DMs. I was frustrated. tears

    I went to my husband’s book shelf again, skimmed through the books. My eyes caught Joe Girard book “HOW TO SELL ANYTHING TO ANYBODY”. I read it repeatedly. It took me days to understand and realize that I had a lot of upgrading and trimming to do with my brand and my self.

    Who wouldn’t follow up procedures in such circumstances? I had to.
    I bought about 25pieces of ankara Fabrics, 16yards of senators, 10pieces of plain and patterns and 12yards of brocades.
    And I started selling rapidly. It didn’t take me more than 2 weeks to be able to sell them all, I restocked and kept the process going. I was so happy for a long time. You may see it as a small win but this victory alone got me motivated to do more.

    It didn’t end there. As time went by I felt I needed to revamp and rebrand my Instagram page and it was done by Chika smiles she did an excellent job. The rebranding alone brought more clients especially on Instagram. I deleted trash of pictures on my Facebook business page and focused on just my brand and what I could offer.

    Today, I can say that I receive calls from people I don’t know before, most of my clients are from social media. The irony. I can now call myself a female entrepreneur in Nigeria. I won’t say that I have blow, in fact, I am just getting started. I’m only at a place where I enjoy what I do.

    So what’s my point here? To be called an entrepreneur in Nigeria or an entrepreneur of any kind is very pleasant but the question is are you ready to face the challenges that come afterwards or are you going to listen to people’s negativity or just quit?

    It is important to have a true inner desire for your passion. And in business that’s truly what it takes at the end of the day.

    6 Tips to help you be a successful male/female entrepreneur in Nigeria

    1. Just stay focused.
    2. Test your potentials(i.e passion, self confidence etc)
    3. Read books.
    4. Avoid procrastination.
    5. Redefine your skills to match your business.
    6. Be self driven (motivate your self, no one will do it for you)

    I trust this piece has been of great value to you
    Thanks for your time and thank you for having me.

    Please leave Ann your feedbacks, questions, kind words and compliments in the comment. She’s right there waiting on you. winks

    Our last guest post by Prince James is a must read by everyone

    Kemi Ojumobi wrote an article for Business day on some of the most powerful female entrepreneurs in Nigeria and the story Its deeply motivating I must say.

  • 6 Life Unexpected Events And How To React To Them

    Unexpected events are events we dislike so much because we have no control over them. Its like a sudden slap on the face that feels like hot artardo pepper but the strange thing you’ve failed to realize is that unexpected events are also a cone of sweet flavored ice cream that melts in the mouth as you savoir its chilling taste with such satisfying pleasure and unbelieving joy.

    Unexpected events

    Its the peak of summer here in Nigeria, something we often call ‘dry season’, and rain is often far fetched in January even in rainy places like the city of Port Harcourt. Yet, I was at work two days ago ( on Wednesday) when I suddenly heard the clapping of the roof. I didn’t pay attention because I thought it must have been the wind or the echo of a moving vehicle on the road. But in few seconds the sound came again, this time so loud and scary. I raised my head and walked to the window only to be met with raindrops falling from the sky and before I could react the rain began dropped heavily.

    “Oh my God. Chika is this rain?” My colleague asked in shock looking outside.

    “Yes my dear. I’m as shocked as you are”. I smiled. I was happy too because i love the rain & the rain was going to calm the heat and control the dust. So it was a blessing surprisingly.

    The funny thing is; what started as a heavy downpour suddenly became a storm. The wind came and properties were flying ruthlessly. Thunder strikes left a spark that got me open mouthed. Everyone was taken unawares. Cars were parked because drivers couldn’t see in the storm. Taxis were unavailable because of the flood. We rushed to close everywhere because damn, this one was daunting. Let me surprise you again, the storm lasted for two hours. Two long hours of me wondering how I would get home because it was almost my closing time. Thinking ‘if I had known I would have brought an umbrella with me to work’. But well, that’s why its an unexpected event. Totally unplanned for. Completely surprising.
    Movements were stopped, plans were suspended and businesses were closed rapidly. Yet we could sleep well at night because the weather was cold and chilly. such irony laughs

    Since childhood parents have expected you to do this, try that, to live a certain way, associate with specific people etc. Society have expected you to pay tax, dress in a different way, regulate your movement etc. And then as adult you also set those expectations for yourself. Be a graduate at twenty, get a job after school, get married before thirty, have a million in your account in your twenties and so on. Then subsequently you set goals to help you achieve these expectations. You plan and strategize to be in charge of something you want to achieve. To be in control of the goal. But what you don’t plan for is the unexpectations that come knocking at your door. You don’t plan for the unexpected events that may occur along the line. The truth is you have no control over the unexpected and that is why you often deny its existence. But wisdom is to “expect the unexpected”, another wisdom is “not all unexpected events are bad, some if not most are good.” Do not treat life surprises & unexpected events as vain and disgusting because they would happen. The sooner you learn how to react to them, the better your life would be.

    Here are 6 major life unexpected events and how to handle them.

    Nature

    The force of nature can neither be changed nor fixed. It can only be handled properly which is through positive acceptance. If you like hit your head on the wall, you’d still fart inside the bus and pretend it was not you, rain would fall at anytime, earthquake would happen unenexpectedly, snow can just fall in Nigeria tomorrow, (Amen oh. smiles Who else can’t wait to experience snow in Nigeria?) Taking charge of nature is like wrestling with God. You cant fight it. You will fail and fail woefully if you do. Natural unexpected events can be a blessing if you choose to accept it and not dwell on it.

    Love

    I love love. Who doesn’t? Well, you’d have face me if you don’t. winks I couldn’t agree more with the line “Love happens in unexpected places.” and “sometimes we love who we least expect.” Unexpected events like love is a huge blessing. Love is the biggest feeling of freedom. It is not bound by tribe, tradition, age, sex, status, race etc. Sometimes you find yourself loving someone you never thought you could. Loving so deeply and passionately without receiving that love in return. And other times you love completely and your love is returned. Be it in friendship and relationships. The heart knows what pleases it which makes love so unexpected. Even when you know that a big level of pain may come from loving that person, your heart would still betray your mind. Some people who have made it clear that they are not ready for love still find themselves developing feelings and loving someone special against what they had planned. I’d say, if you love someone and the other person has made it clear that he/she doesn’t love you in return please let go. Its hard but allow yourself let go and give room for someone who would reciprocate your love. And if love unexpectedly happens and you both love each other, please don’t stay apart. Don’t run from that love. Give that love a chance. Allow it to bloom and if it doesn’t work then make it end. But if it does then you know what that means. cheers

    Breakup

    While some people gain love unexpectedly some loose theirs. What has a beginning surely has an end. Breakup. Although some breakups show warning signs but it doesn’t mean it was expected. Breaking up a relationship you thought would lead to the future has got to be a big blow. Talk about the dreams & memories shared, the time invested, and the emotions involved. Be sure that you’re breaking up for the right reasons and please don’t turn that person into your enemy. Say your goodbyes like civilized people not like market people. Breakups also happen between close friends as well. Having a close friends for years and realizing that you’re now drifting apart is so sad. Accept that friends come and go and you are not to be blamed alone for your failed relationship. Only then can you be better. (Understand why close friends don’t last here) Unexpected events are a truck load of surprises.

    Death

    Only a fool would accept new life as a part of life and not accept death as a part of life. I’m not sorry if you feel bad Life and death are two sides to a coin. What lived must die but only to live on. We rejoice in life but we cry in death which is humane. Death comes with a massive amount of pain. No amount of pain can be compared to loosing someone special, a child, a parent, friend, family, etc. And for some this pain have destroyed them because they allowed it to. While others have drowned in grief that makes them unrecognizable. God forbid that you become so! Death and loss are unexpected events that we can only accept. Yet also praying that death doesn’t come knocking on time. (Rise through grief and loss here)

    Sickness

    Ah! Nobody loves sickness. A mere headache can render you weak and ruin your mood talk more of severe illness and disease. A perfectly healthy person can just be rushed to the hospital only to be diagnosed with a terminal illness. It baffles me. ‘I always ask, where do all this strange sickness come from?’ But often times we never know and that is why sickness and diseases are unexpected events that deny us comfort, peace and wholeness. The only way to handle this is to stay calm whilst making sure that you go through all the necessary treatment required to make you healthy again.

    Wins

    Some wins like getting a job promotion you never applied for, achieving a milestone, getting a call from someone that could change your life are all unexpected events that could drive one happily crazy. This one is such a surprise that shocks your entire being and gladdens your heart in the most beautiful way. For me a sudden bank alert on my phone can just make my day laughs Trust me little wins like this add flavor & spice up our lives.

    Some stories on unexpected experiences by individuals here

    I hope this post would assist you in keeping your mind open for both the expected and the unexpected events that may occur this year and more. It could be a blessing if you accept it and react positively. Remember, Attitude is everything.

    Leave me a comment sharing your thoughts and tell me one unexpected thing you’ve experienced that came as a shock. I’d be in the comments waiting.