I write this letter in angry tears…in fact, this lemon top of mine is been scarred with dry wasted tears even as I write this.
Those piercing words you’ve probably heard before, I heard again last night, and its echoes replaying in my tiny little head brought these uncontrollable angry tears.
I write this to hide it in my drawer but I’m hoping it gets to you. Wishing that my tears would embrace yours. Praying that these angry tears would stop flowing, but I can’t control it. So just for today, I’m letting it flow.
The voice of rejection. The voice of selfishness That same voice that tells me to my face that I was taken for granted. I experienced.
Have you experienced this? Did you feel the way I’m feeling now? The pain that transitions to anger.
You may have also received that blow of disregard. You may have also received that punch of abandonment. You may have also faced that look of wickedness. You may have also been shocked by the striking reality that you were nothing to them. You may have also felt used and alone. It may have saddened you that they couldn’t stand up for you. You may have also been helpless as a result. You may have also cried till there was no more tears. You may have also felt weak like I am feeling now.
How did you move on?
Oh wait! I’m not done…
How could I forget the plea!
The plea for support. Pleading to dry my biting angry tears. Begging for a tiny bit of understanding. Crying for help. Holding on just to experience a little warmth. Just waiting for a show of reverence.
Yet nothing. Absolute coldness was what I got. A blow on the face.
Do you understand? Oh, hold on! Don’t tell me you understand.
Just tell me you will never be in the giving end of that punch.
Promise me you would let it be. Promise me you’ll fight and cry just as I am, and let go. Promise me that, as hard as moving on sounds, you’d try. Promise me you would not care about the pain you received and give back only love. Promise me that this painful and angry tears would not be avenged.
As sad as all this has been, and after reading the scriptures to get me through bad days, I’m reminded yet again, to hold on to the few who has stuck it out with me. And my tears increase. Not angry tears, but warm tears that fill my heart with love.
The ones who have held you down till this day, have you told them how invaluable they are to you?
Your actions everyday should express your love for them. To not take them for granted nor abandon them the way some others did, but to hold on to them.
Will You?
Dear you, Finally, I’m remembering this angry tears as my will to live and love. Let yours be the same for you.
Does time heal every wound? A question I asked myself after i watched something few weeks back when an elderly man tapped a younger man on the shoulder and said “time heals all wounds lad.” And I burst out laughing. Really? Who was he kidding?
I guess he was just trying to encourage the young guy or make him feel better about the situation. Maybe it worked but I’m sure later he would realize the bitter truth.
I bought a gorgeous heel three years ago and it was sparkling and clean and everything that makes a shoe new. Now I’m staring at it in the wardrobe and its no longer shinning, no longer new. Infact, it has a sratch on the tip, and a dark line on the sole.
A lot has changed yet, it’s still the same nude shoe I bought three years ago. Even more comfortable now than when it was new because my feet has gotten used to it. Its familiar & comfortable just like a relationship between a married couple.
Does time heal every wound? No! Time does not heal every wound and any wound. Time is an illusion. You wake up the next day thinking you’ve got all the time and then blink again only to realize that five years has passed. That’s the thing about time.
If time heal every wound, I bet our nation would not be as stale as it is with all our hero’s fight for change.
It doesn’t stop for you to be prepared. It doesn’t wait for you to get ready. It doesn’t listen to your screams and wails. It doesn’t listen to your wish. It just goes on and on and on. It doesn’t stop. It doesn’t get stuck in traffic like you. It doesn’t wait at the bus station like you. It doesn’t wait for a donor or a blood bank. It just keeps going.
So how does time heal every wound for you when it doesn’t stop to realize that oh! Something terrible just happened to you?
More than a year after my loss and tragedy I was still the same miserable person, even worse than before. What happened to time healing every wound as days and months passed by? I was still sore, numb and badly betrayed. I realized it was a lie when people said time heal every wound. Instead I found out what time really does.
What does time do?
Time brings chances
Time can present chances that can come with new events and happenings. A chance to do something different. An opportunity. A calling. A new goal. It would not remove the pain nor dry your tears but it can maybe open a door to step into ie if you give yourself the chance to.
Time brings Perspective
Time can give you a new perspective to things. Maybe a depth to that problem you’re facing. A new look to why you’re in this situation in the first place. This perspective may bring you more pain or a relief because it is revealing. You may hear a story or an event can happen that begins to make you see things in another angle. That can be good or bad. Either way, that is the perspective that comes with time.
Time brings another dimension
Time can create another line of focus. Like a bolt of lightening it can bring another dimension to your story or to the things that went down and how it did. And that can make you shift your focus to that dimension. Things can crop up, like a rumor, an estranged family, a loving stranger that changes the course of everything, takes your focus and leaves your pain buried and unprocessed or leaves it better and light.
Understanding what time can do can make you understand whether to put your growth and healing to time. And with what has been shared you’d realize that’s a shitty thing to do. Time is on its own journey ticking the clock. The question is, what are you doing with time?
How to make time heal every wound for you.
The statement “time heal every wound” is false. Enough time can pass and you’ll still be in the same shit hole. What matters is how you use that time. Time is just a moving concept and the best way to use time is to experience it.
Focus on you
You are the game changer. You are the owner of your life. Letting time go may make you feel better but it would not heal anything. Something can happen and trigger that pain all over again. Focus on how important you are. Remember how only you can make you better if you choose to.
Stop asking why
The minute you start asking why it happened to you, why you had to go through this, why you’re so unlucky then you’re going to keep asking and keep getting frustrated because no one can really answer that question. No one knows why and there’s really no need to wonder why. Instead, focus on how to heal, how to be better, how to keep going.
Avoid playing the victim
You are not the worse. You’re not the most unfortunate. You are not terrible. You are not dumb nor stupid. You are just going through a difficult phase that would pass. Don’t act in a way that validates peoples pity for you. Don’t play the victim game. You can rise and you will.
Don’t personalize it.
Not everything is about you. If you’re always like, why does this thing always happen to me? Then you’re personalizing it. Its wrong. It can happen to others as well. Infact, everyone goes through shit too, even worse than yours so Its not just about you. You are not targeted. Its not personal.
Process not Run
You are doing yourself harm if you buckle yourself up and act like nothing happened. You waking up the next day with a smile on your face going on your business like nothing happened while your heart is about to explode is dangerous. Cry, scream, shout, talk, hit anything to let it all out. Healing starts with processing. Processing each pain, feeling, thought, emotions and letting go. Not running, hiding, caging or hoarding. Pain not processed kills you slowly
Embrace the past
Leave all those ones that says forget your past. See ba, nothing truly stays in the past. We are fragments of our past. Our future lies the story of our past. Your present today is your past tomorrow. So instead of running from a past that may come hunting you. Why not embrace it. Embracing it means accepting what went down, taking responsibility, taking charge of what you can change, accepting what you can’t change and allowing whatever events that happened in the past not define you. Can you do that? If you can do that then you’ve won life’s biggest battle.
Be aware of triggers
For me when their death anniversary comes, I realize I always let it consume me so what I did was to remember them before that day (even though I remember them everyday) and then when the anniversary comes it goes by like a normal day and I don’t get triggered. Find out the things that trigger your pain all over again and find ways to not let it affect you deeply. Awareness makes you have a power over the situation.
Do not push people away.
This is hard but its important. I get that you want to process things and fight your own battle. But a friendly, honest, loving, caring and supportive hand to hold isn’t that bad. Don’t run from people that genuinely want to be there for you. Its okay if you don’t want their help or advice but their support can go a long way. I promise.
Be grateful
Its hard to be grateful when going through an ordeal but one of the things that helped me heal was gratitude. When I read Robert Schuller’s book “Tough times never last but tough people do.” that said “Instead of comparing yourself with those more fortunate than you, why not compare yourself with those less fortunate than you.” Only then would you be grateful for where you are. That line hit so deep. (Get a free copy of the book here) Gratitude opens your eyes to see the beauty beyond your pain.
Experience life.
Choosing yourself and your ability to try to heal would give you a chance to live again. Like we said earlier, time bring chances and that chance is another experience. Don’t hold yourslef back from experiencing life again after pain. You can still live life to the fullest if you choose to. Decide now to fly, to dream, to dance and to embrace.
Time does not heal every wound, its how you use the time you have that matters.
Chika Jonah
Make conscious use of your time.
What are your thoughts after reading this? Do you still think that time heal every wound? Were you inspired? Were you motivated? Want to talk? Leave me a feedback in the comment.
Every hair on my body stood, as hot tears feel down my cheeks. I was hurt by what happened. I wanted to feel better but I didn’t know how, instead I kept thinking about the problem.
I kept replaying the scenes in my head. And I got angry and aggressive all over again as the tears became uncontrollable.
I became worse than I was a minute ago.
***
I wanted to get better. I wanted the pain to stop but it didn’t.
Why?
Because I gave myself the power to feel worse by putting myself in that position over and over again every time I thought about it, Instead of consciously allowing light to shine through my thought and show me other pictures to focus on.
So when shit happens are you making yourself worse by over thinking about it at that moment?
Don’t.
That is not the best time to think.
Because your mind is clouded by the pain and emotions.
Find a distraction. Or do something to re channel your focus from what happened or just sleep.
You can tackle it later.
Or else you may just see yourself drowning too deep in that pain, grief or sorrow.
Befriend time. Give it time.
Then come back to those thoughts, only then would you see the light hidden behind the darkness.
