Category: Lifestyle

Moving out from home happened like a flash in my face. Just like how Ronaldo left Juventus and was left open in the field for the hunters to feast on, while he watched in awe as they fought over him. Until Manchester United slipped in while we were asleep and signed him.

Yes! I left home to start all over in a place of my choice.

Well, before you say “what’s the fuss about moving out from home? After all, I left home since.” Well, I’m not you, and neither am I as mature and responsible as you are. Some things are not as easy for me as it is for you.

And one of those things is making quick decisions.

I visited Abuja early this year and if you remember in my blog about my travel experience, it was clear how much I loved the place. What I didn’t tell you was that the minute I stepped my foot into that city I wanted to be there. The fresh air was heavenly. I simply whispered to myself that I wanted to make this place my home.

It took a phone call to be the catalyst for me moving out from home to this city. Hmmm… Sometimes I wonder if a phone was manufactured to bring me both pain and joy.

The next 10hours after that phone call, I threw my things into a Ghana must-go bag given to me by my mom, that I was so ashamed of, hides face and commenced on my journey. Ten hours after, I was out on my own, far away from home.

The Mystery.

Before now, I enjoyed how I was moving towards the digital space. I enjoyed how I was balancing the job, my work, and my business. I did not like who I was becoming. I disliked the job system. I loved home. Ah! I loved home. What’s not to love about where you were born and raised? Gradually, I hated how comfortable I became. Too comfortable. That feeling of comfort ate me up every single day. Like ant to sugar, it sucked at my face. Laughing and reminding me of who I was becoming.

I wasn’t one to be put in a place. I was a traveler, I loved exploring and I always wanted to choose and decide, no matter how long it took.

Finally, I sat on that very comfortable work chair and heard his voice, “Chika it’s not in the place, it’s in you.”

I remember busting in tears and holding on to that wake-up call. That call to stop focusing on one place. To spread my wings. That home is where and who I call it. Home is wherever I want it to be.

That was the day I knew it was time. Moving out from home wasn’t going to be dreadful or going to be a hassle like I thought. God ostracized it and made it beautiful.

The Irony.

Moving out from home has been something I’ve always wanted for a lot of reasons but I simply could not because I didn’t think my mom could live without me. But now that I’ve moved out, the truth is, I couldn’t live without her.

Every time I feared for, “How will she cope? How will she handle everything alone? How would she stay alone? When the real fear was, how will I cope? How will I be responsible without her scolding? How will I survive without her food? What would my brother think about leaving?

But when I decided, mom got pissed off when I informed her I was giving all my energy to Port Harcourt. She was the one that made sure I never forgot to pack anything. She was the one that was happy the most.

The bigger Irony.

I’m here now, welcomed by its light, bliss, and quietness. Embraced by the wind of this city, blowing and caressing my skin in its gentle touch. I’m here now, with a big smile, with a throbbing eagerness of what is to come. I’m here now, petrified. Hell! I’m scared. I thought I was fine, but no guys, I’m scared. Every single day is a long chapter.

I thought because I left home, all my problems were going to vanish. But No. It increased. My problems have become uncountable. laughs What was I thinking? That now that I’ve moved out from home like a grown adult, everything would suddenly be in my control? Hell No.

That’s the biggest irony. Nothing is in my control, things have gone out of control, my life has become quieter, my work as a creative writer has increased and the responsibilities have become enormous.

Shortly after I moved here, I fell sick. So sick that I thought I could die. One night I even wondered if it was my last time on earth, thinking if this was how I was going to end my life without achieving my purpose. For more than two weeks I was ill. I kept asking God to forgive my sins, even the meat I stole from mummy’s pot should be forgiven. laughs I asked God to not let me die without enjoying love and marital bliss. (Blame the carnal girl in me winks)
I had to learn to take care of my health on my own.

Furthermore, I do not only have to worry about my mom, but also about my friends in Port Harcourt. I haven’t eaten Eba in months. Plus what’s with all the bills I have to pay? No one told me it was like this.

The Beauty

Now I am in more control of my time. I am my biggest decision-maker. I’ve grown so much over the last four months, in ways I wouldn’t have if I was under my parent’s shadow. My intimacy with God has been spectacular and my parents teaching and upbringing have been a guide directing my path.

Did I forget to mention I finally tried amala for the first time in my life? It was lit. The joy when I finally found Caprisonne is an unforgettable experience. My Instagram community witnessed it. smiles And the best part, I talk to my mom every single day. This our distance relationship is sweet I must say.

Is moving out from home joy or pain?

It is whatever you make it to be. But before you decide moving out from home to be on your own, make sure you move out for the right reasons. Take note of these important points;

1. Your parents shouting or scolding is not enough reason to move out.
2. If your home is not toxic, and you’re not been abused verbally or physically or your mental health is not threatened in your home then arguments aren’t enough reason to move out from home without a plan.
3. Do not move out without a plan.
4. Be able to fend for yourself and take care of yourself for a long period before leaving.
5. Have a steady source of income before moving out from home. Things may get tougher. It’s easier to be prepared.
6. Don’t leave your friends behind when you move out. You may make new friends in the new city, but the friends you have now would be your biggest support system. Their encouragements would strengthen you.
7. Be open to surprises. Both the good, bad and ugly.
8. Be ready. When you’re ready to move out, you’d know. The universe and your family would be in your favor. Don’t fight it. You’d know when you’re ready to be on your own.

Dont forget your faith. Do not let yourself be swayed by others. Hold on to the principles and values you’ve had. Hold on to the teachings of God’s word. Gods got you. Keep grinding and be contented with what you have, you’d watch yourself bloom. I stepped into this town with Thirteen thousand naira only, but now I’m moving into my space in two weeks. God showed up for me and he will too for you.

Now, ready to move out or not ready? Enjoyed this beautiful writing of mine? Or felt something reading this blog post? Drop a comment. So good to be back to blogging. Let’s roll in the comment.

“My wife”
“Beautiful girl”

All this the girl child hears from men old enough to be her father even before she starts to walk.
At age seven, she is carried on her uncle’s lap to reply to his hello. She walks into a shop with her mother, and men comment, “ such a beautiful girl.”

As a teenager, she is told to mind the way she carries herself. She tries to play soccer, and she is reminded that girls do not play soccer.
“Don’t dress like that.”
“You can’t go to that place.”
“Why do you aspire to become an engineer? “
“Why don’t you become a doctor instead.”

I can go on and on; the list is endless. The girl child grows with the mindset that society needs her to be perfect. She thinks that to grow into a societal-accepted woman, she must adhere to all these conditions.

The truth is that, the voices never stop. I am a grown woman now, and whenever I walk in, the voices are rising.

“Who is funding her?”
“She couldn’t have done this on her own”
“Why is she dressed like that?”

At work, the girl child is constantly pushed,

“You can’t handle this role.”
“Focus on the family for now and forget about a promotion.”
“Don’t be greedy; women raise homes, not houses.”

Another day, we’ll talk about the pressures that society placed on a single successful woman.
“Oh, she needs to find a man.”
“Her clock is ticking.”
“Someone needs to tell her to reduce her age and stop driving expensive cars?

You start to wonder at some point, when does it end? Even if you stick to the clock. Graduate with no hassle, get married, and raise a family; you still get to hear the voices.

“Her stomach is big, oh.”
“Is she not done having kids?”
“Wow, she has only girls.”

Let’s allow women to be women. If she wants to get a Ph.D. let her
If she wants to buy properties, let her.
If she doesn’t want to have children, it is no anyone’s business.

Every day as women, we have to dust off strong painful words and opinions. They call us strong women, hard women, as if a woman is unbreakable, untouchable, and irreplaceable. Put an end to it, to the women out there who say these things to their fellow women. Let us take a bold step for change on this day- The international Day of a girl child.

The girl child is to be treasured and supported. According to the united nations achieving gender equality and women empowerment is integral to building a nation. That is why we celebrate the girl child annually on October 11th.